


Fuck You Gamma

by SWAWindsong



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Alternate Universe - Magic, Asexual Character, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, It's weird af trying to tie in British and Japanese stuff ok, M/M, Tsukinoya Week
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-18
Updated: 2016-08-14
Packaged: 2018-07-15 17:46:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7232500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SWAWindsong/pseuds/SWAWindsong
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tsukishima accidentally gives Nishinoya a love potion, but it doesn't turn out quite the way he expects it to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Accidents

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SEMellark](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SEMellark/gifts).



> Because fuck you Gamma….it’s all your fucking fault. This is the title and fite me. It has nothing to do with the fic, but I'm not changing it. 
> 
> http://paintdripps.tumblr.com/post/133942666585/magic-aus-for-all-your-magic-au-needs
> 
> She sent me this AU that she explained like, “Person A owns a potion shop and accidentally gives Person B a love potion that makes them fall in love with whoever gave it to them instead of whatever they ordered. When Person A comes back in though, they don’t act any different.” I misunderstood the original prompt, but that’s ok. I have this now. We screamed about the prompt for a while together and each came up with our own stories.
> 
> TsukkiNoya
> 
> Also, you can probably tell, but I didn’t exactly do this FOR TsukiNoya week. It just so happened to fall around the time that I had written everything and just needed to edit. There will be at least one other pairing eventually. There are 4 chapters, and for now, I’ll stop there. There may be more in the waaaay distant future. I am sorry for the angst.

It was definitely a Monday.  There had been so many people in the apothecary that day, Tsukishima was ready to lock the doors and tell them to go somewhere else.  He couldn’t do that though.  He had to play the part of the professional. 

All day it had been a constant stream of human debris picking up medications for upset stomach, tonics to relieve anxiety, potions to help balding men.  Then, there was the ever popular growth serum their shop made that was meant for children…what an annoyance.

It was a potion created by his brother, Akiteru.  His unique potions made their little store popular because no one else had figured out how to make them.  Then again, other wizarding shops didn’t care as much about science as his brother did. 

Tsukishima hated the growth potion because adults kept buying it thinking it would make them taller.  No matter how many times he told them it wouldn’t work, they always came back for more.  It wasn’t hard to make, just frustrating because the potion had a short half-life, so they had to make it every day.  That coupled with the fact that ‘the more times you took it, the taller you’d get’ meant high volumes of people.  

There was even one of his old classmates, Nishinoya, who took it every single day.  It was sort of pathetic.  It was barely magic for crying out loud!  It was just hormones and a tiny bit of spark!

Whatever.  If they were dumb enough to buy it despite being told it wouldn’t work, Tsukishima would still take their money.  He just had to keep on smiling.  Fake smiles worked just as well in the wizarding world as they had in the muggle world.

However, it wasn’t just the growth potions that were making this Monday so awful.  They were just a predetermined annoyance.

No, the reason Monday had been so awful was because they had gotten a request for a love potion.  Not even Amortentia, oh no, that would have been too easy.  They had to get a request for the love potion Akiteru had invented.  If they ever discovered an easier way to make this potion, it would start flying off the shelves faster than the growth serum.  Akiteru’s love potion lasted much longer than Amortentia, and the effects weren’t quite as strong.  It still wasn’t real love, but its effects were closer.  Their solution to keep people from buying it by the barrel was to put cost-prohibitive prices on the dumb thing. 

Plus, it was the most difficult potion to make.  It required a freshly picked lilac flower from the top of a nearby mountain, and that was the easy part.  One day, they might grow their own to save time.  For now, Tsukishima had sent his new hire, Tanaka, to go fetch the flower.  While it was one less rambunctious person to irritate him all day, it also meant less hands helping out that morning. 

Yamaguchi had insisted that they needed another employee, and today Tsukishima was seeing how right he had been.  He couldn’t even imagine how awful the day would have been if either him or Yamaguchi had to go get the flower.  Tsukishima supposed it was possible to call his brother, but that was a last resort.

At least Tanaka was reliable, and he had retrieved the flower before noon.  And, surprisingly, it was the correct flower.  This gave Yamaguchi enough time to finish the potion, but it took a good chunk of the day.  While he was doing that, Tsukishima was trying to explain to one woman that no, the nausea medication wouldn’t make her son start floating on the ceiling.

Whoever thought of using muggle science in magic potions should be thrown to the dragons…oh wait that was his brother…Better get the burn cream ready.

The sun had begun to set as a familiar, small figure approached the front of the store.

“Tanaka, I think there’s one more prepared growth serum in the back.  Would you go fetch it?”  Tsukishima asked, watching as the top of Nishinoya’s hair approached the door.  He always came right after work, just before the shop closed.

“Aye aye, sir!”  Tanaka said.  Whatever might have kept Tsukishima from rolling his eyes on any other day was dead and gone on this pain in the ass Monday.

“Hey!  Tsukki!  My main man!” Nishinoya greeted.

Tsukishima could only purse his lips and bite back a mean retort.  Ever since their time at Hogwarts, Nishinoya had refused to call him by his full name, even though he had never given him permission.  Instead of being outright rude, Tsukishima chose sarcasm.

“Oh.  Hi, Nishinoya.  I didn’t see you over there.  Considering how short you are and everything.”

Nishinoya’s cheerful expression was replaced with horrified anger that was absolutely hilarious coming from someone as short as he was.  It was like watching a bean pop around in the microwave.  He strode to the front of the counter, glaring at Tsukishima. 

“One day, if your potion works, I’ll be just as tall as you.  Then we’ll see who has the last laugh.”

“I keep telling you, it’s not going to work since you’re well past puberty.”

“That’s what you think.  You see, because of my height, everyone thinks I still am a kid.  So…the potion will too!” Nishinoya said, lifting his chin and crossing his arms as if he had won.

“Riiight, because that’s exactly how the potion works…” Tsukishima said, keeping his voice even to convey sarcasm.

“Exactly.”

“Not.  Nishinoya…”  Tsukishima started, but he was interrupted

“Just Noya,” Tsukishima raised an eyebrow.  At that point, Yamaguchi came out of the back room addressing Nishinoya.

“Noya, we’ve been over this a thousand times.  It’s not going to work no matter how badly you want it to,” Yamaguchi said.  At least someone was there to keep Tsukishima from sassing the customers far, far away.

Nishinoya dropped his arms and let his head fall back in his exasperation.

“You don’t understaaand,” he whined, “This potion is the only chance I’ve got at being some sort of average height.  I don’t even want tall, just…not this,” he said, gesturing to himself. 

“What, have some girl you’re trying to impress?” Tsukishima asked, smirking as he teased Nishinoya. 

“Mmm, Shimizu,” Nishinoya said wistfully, staring into a corner of the ceiling.  Tsukishima scoffed.  Even Yamaguchi giggled some.  “But no!  I just want people to take me more seriously.  I want to stop having to use spells to reach stuff.  I want to be able to see over the crowds in the street.  Is that too much to ask just to be normal?”

Sure, Tsukishima found Nishinoya to be an annoyance, but he also felt bad for him.  It wasn’t like he had asked to be this tall himself, even without taking the growth serum as a child.  But there were always things people wished they would be able to change about themselves and wouldn’t be able to.  Tsukishima knew that all to well.

“Well, I wish your parents had given it to you as a kid,” Yamaguchi said, making sure Tsukishima didn’t say anything more sarcastic.  “Here, I’ll give you a discount, since you’re in here so often anyway.” 

That was his excuse, but in all honesty, Tsukishima knew Yamaguchi just felt bad Nishinoya was buying something that wouldn’t work.  Something he knew wouldn’t work.  He was buying a bottle of hope that had always been empty.  It was something Yamaguchi liked to do when he was at the register, and Tsukishima allowed it. 

“Absolutely not.  I’m paying full price and that’s final,” Noya declared.  Tsukishima shrugged.  No one could change Nishinoya’s mind once it was made up.

At last, Tanaka brought the bag with the serum to the front.  “Sorry it took me so long, I was having trouble finding it.”

“It’s alright,” Tsukishima said, taking the bag from Tanaka.  He held the bag out for Nishinoya to take as he rang up the potion. 

As soon as he opened his hand, he felt the weight drop too fast and he realized Nishinoya hadn’t been prepared to take the potion yet.  Tsukishima’s stomach plummeted towards the ground with the potion.

It seemed like the world was moving in slow motion as the bottle sped towards the floor.  The last of the large batch they had made.  Now they’d have to make one of their most loyal customers wait as they prepared another one.  Not to mention how stupid they would look.

At the last second, Nishinoya’s hand appeared under the falling bag and caught it before it hit the floor and shattered.

The panicked stuttering of the people around him stopped.  After a beat, Tanaka whistled, “Nice catch, Yuu!”

Nishinoya stood up, smiling at Tanaka, “Thanks!  It’s all the keeper practice.”

“You still play quidditch?” Tsukishima asked. 

“Yeah! How could I stop?  Come to think of it, why aren’t you still playing?  You should join us sometime!” Nishinoya said, his eyes shining with excitement. 

Tsukishima stared at him for a long second, wondering if he should answer the question.  “Why would I keep playing?…I’m not a professional…”

“I’m not a professional either, but it’s still fun!”

“Yeah, boss!” Tanaka added, “Then you’ll see I’m not a huge screw up in everything I do!”

As he stood there, Tsukishima wondered what it would cost to burn his store to the ground in order to shut these two idiots up.  At least the store didn’t have a hoard of customers for once that day.  Typical, as soon as it gets quiet, hurricane Nishinoya comes through with tropical storm Tanaka to back him up.

“Oh, and can I have another bag of sunflower seed?” Nishinoya said. “Asahi seems to like the stuff from here better than anywhere else.  He makes a mess if it’s not the kind he wants.” 

Tsukishima rolled his eyes again.  “I still can’t believe you named your pet crow after a Japanese beer…hell I still can’t believe you have a pet crow,” he said, grabbing a bag of sunflower seed from the back room. 

“Yeah, well.  He’s the best friend I’ve ever had.  Just like beer.”  Nishinoya said, giving Tsukishima a huge smile.  The kind of smile that he would give his own customers.

On any other day, Nishinoya would drink the potion outside the shop window as the door closed behind him.  Today, with the large bag of bird seed slung over his shoulder, he was too busy struggling to stay upright.  Tsukishima chuckled as he watched Nishinoya sag under the weight as he shuffled away from the store.

Yamaguchi spoke once Nishinoya was out of sight.  “You know, as much as you say you hate Noya, you’re always smiling when he leaves.” 

“Eh, it’s just because he’s fun to pick on,” Tsukishima said. 

Instead of responding, Yamaguchi raised an eyebrow at Tsukishima’s defensive smile.  At least he could count on Yamaguchi not to ask questions.  Tsukishima wasn’t going to talk about it. 

* * *

Tuesday was off to a good start.  Nothing too demanding, and Tsukishima could get the love potion out of his sight first thing in the morning.

“Hinata!  It’s nice to see you,” Tsukishima greeted, smiling in his polite, customer-friendly manner that hid his frustration.

“Ooh, is that Hinata?” Tanaka called from the back room, sticking his head out to glare-smile at him.  “Hey short-stuff!”  Why he greeted Hinata like he was going to fight him was beyond Tsukishima’s understanding…

“Tanaka!  How’s it hanging?”   Hinata said, giving him a wide, toothy grin and waving.  He was flailing his hands so hard, Tsukishima moved one the basket of pens out of the way so Hinata wouldn’t knock them over.

Hinata and Tanaka began to chat with each other, half-shouting in the small room.  Honestly, hadn’t they ever heard of indoor voices?

Tsukishima went to the back room, gritting his teeth at the loud noise they were making.  As he passed, Yamaguchi smiled at him.  He knew exactly what Tsukishima was irritated about.  Tsukishima continued past, ignoring Yamaguchi making fun of him. 

Walking over to the shelves, Tsukishima looked at the spot where Hinata’s love potions should have been, but the spot was bare.  At first, Tsukishima wasn’t sure how to react. 

Then he realized that he needed to find the potion.

He scanned the nearby shelves and didn’t spot the bottle.  After a few minutes, he began to search in places that were further away, in drawers on the other side of the room, even in the cabinet where they kept some of their more abrasive ingredients.  The potion was nowhere to be found.

“Tanaka?”

“Yeah, boss?”

“Where did you put the love potion?” 

Tanaka walked to the back room and stood next to Tsukishima who was back to staring at the empty spot on the shelf. 

“Is it not those?”  Tanaka asked, pointing to several bottles that contained clear liquid.

“…Tanaka…why would there be multiple bottles of love potion if Yamaguchi only made one?...Did you ever think of that?  Besides, the potion is purple, not clear.”  

“Uh oh…”

Tsukishima rolled his eyes.  Maybe Tuesday wasn’t going to be so great after all.  First things first, he was going to have to go out and explain to Hinata what happened. 

To his great relief, Hinata didn’t get angry with them.  He was disappointed, but Tsukishima promised that they would have another ready for him tomorrow.  Seeing as the potion was so expensive, Yamaguchi offered a helpful discount.

Hinata shrugged, looking at his shoes.  “Thanks,” he said.  It was short and bitter. 

“I’m really sorry,” Tsukishima said.

“It’s alright.  I understand.  Mistakes happen…” the last words were bitter and choked.  There wasn’t anything else Tsukishima could do though.  He had looked everywhere.  The potion was gone.

“Who’s it for, Hinata?” Tanaka asked.  Tsukishima shot him an angry glare.  There was no need to harass their customers any further, especially about their personal business.

Hinata didn’t answer the question.  Instead, he turned towards the door, hands in his pockets.  “I’ll be back tomorrow.  Thanks anyway.” 

When the door jingled shut, Tsukishima’s mind started running at a disturbing speed.  The potion couldn’t have just walked away.  It had to be somewhere.  But where was it?

Tanaka was being smart for once and not saying anything as Tsukishima thought.  He went back to the storage room to search for the potion some more. 

Looking at the empty spot, Tsukishima began to formulate several hypotheses as to what could have happened. 

The clear bottles of growth potion were intruding on the space where the love potion should have been sitting.  It was likely due to the fact that they had to make so many in a day.  There wasn’t a whole lot of room on the selves.  On the other side were the three bottles of Liquid Luck that had been there for months.  Tsukishima sure could have used some of that now.

Back to the love potion, it was possible that it got mixed up yesterday and was given to one of the people who was supposed to get the growth potion.  If that was true, then the question became, who had the love potion?  Had they already taken it? 

Tsukishima spent the next half hour calling everyone who had been new to buying the growth serum yesterday.  He didn’t bother with people who had been taking it for a while because they should have noticed the difference.  The color was enough to give the potion away, not to mention the smell. 

When he had called the three people who hadn’t taken the potion before, and then a few others who had only received a few doses, Tsukishima gave up.  Everyone had the correct serum, and no one had taken any purple liquid. 

Tsukishima decided it wouldn’t help to wait any longer to make another potion.  He sent Tanaka out to fetch ingredients again.  While he was gone, Tsukishima tried to run through different scenarios of what could have happened, but nothing seemed feasible.  All the while, the apothecary was short staffed again, struggling to keep up with the demands of their busy store.  It wasn’t until Yamaguchi was nearly done with the next love potion and they were getting ready to close that Tanaka came up with the answer.

“Umm, boss?”

“What, Tanaka,” Tsukishima said, failing to keep all of the bitterness out of his voice.  The day had started off so well.

“I…I think I gave the love potion to Yuu…” Tanaka said.

Tsukishima froze.  His mind raced through the possibilities.  Nishinoya had been taking the potion for long enough that he was one of the ones he hadn’t bothered to call.  However, that damned idiot was also someone who wouldn’t think twice if the color, texture, scent, and everything else about a potion that he had been taking forever changed all of a sudden.  Hell, one time the yellow stripe on his head had turned blue because he bought the wrong dye on accident and didn’t notice until it was too late.  Tsukishima hadn’t considered that possibility.

Ok, maybe Nishinoya could have taken the potion.  Next, Tsukishima was running through damage control procedures.  Assuming Nishinoya had taken the potion, who had given it to him?  Yamaguchi had prepared the potion, then it sat on the shelf for a while, then Tanaka brought the potion to Tsukishima who almost dropped it before Nishinoya managed to catch it.

“Fuck…” he hissed as quiet as he could.  He had been the one to hand Nishinoya the bag, meaning if Nishinoya had taken the potion, he would fall in love with…

Up front, Yamaguchi called for help putting some ingredients away as Tanaka and Tsukishima stood around in the back, trying to figure out what to do next.

“You go help Yamaguchi.  I need to make a phone call,” Tsukishima decided.  He could have made Tanaka call Nishinoya on the commir, and he had half a mind to do so.  If nothing else, as punishment for his mistake.  But Tsukishima also felt responsible.  It was his shop after all, and he should have double checked the contents of the bag before handing it out. 

He stood in front of the enchanted sliver of mirror for a long, long time, pushing his glasses up as he pinched the bridge of his nose.  Instead of calling, he spent a minute thinking about the commir.  Anything to procrastinate.  Funny little piece of magic the commir was.  It worked just like a cell phone, and that was probably where the wizards had come up with the idea.  They’d never admit it though.  Besides, phones didn’t allow a person to see who they were talking to.  Give the muggles a few decades though and they’d figure it out. 

The last thing in the world he wanted to do was call Nishinoya, especially if the freaking idiot was in love with him now.  It was a damn shame that Nishinoya’s reflexes were good enough to catch the potion.  If it had shattered, this wouldn’t be an issue.

It took him too long to pick up the phone.  Tsukishima’s blood ran cold when he heard Nishinoya’s voice in the front of the store. He listened to the conversation, wondering if Nishinoya was acting any different.

“Heeyyy Tanaka!  How’s it hanging?” 

“Yuu!” Tanaka gave a nervous laugh.  Tsukishima prayed that he wouldn’t be the one to tell Nishinoya what had happened.  He didn’t want Tanaka to be the one that broke such serious news to him.  “The day started out alright, buuut…” Tanaka paused for a moment and Tsukishima held his breath, “the boss isn’t having a good day.”

Tsukishima let out a breath.  Thank goodness Tanaka had enough sense to shut the hell up. 

It was now or never.  Tsukishima walked out from the storage room, monitoring Nishinoya’s reaction.  At first he didn’t even notice until Tsukishima cleared his throat.

“Oh hey!  Rough day?”  Nishinoya grinned, eyes wide and glittering with excitement like they usually were.  They looked at each other for a long time as Tsukishima studied Nishinoya.  He didn’t seem to be acting head over heels in love. 

“You could say that.  Listen, Nishinoya, about the growth potion yesterday…”

Tsukishima took a second to find the right words.  He wasn’t even sure what he wanted to say.

Before he had time to think, Nishinoya’s eyes grew wide and panicked.  He clasped his head with both of his hands, mouth falling wide open.  If the situation hadn’t been so serious, Tsukishima would have found the expression amusing.

“OH SHIT!!  GAAAAHHHH!!”  He started wailing and Tsukishima could only stand there in complete shock as Nishinoya fell to his knees, close to sobbing.

Tanaka was rushing around to the other side of the counter, both of his hands held out in front of him.  Behind the counter, Yamaguchi looked pale, his mouth was twisted in a grimace.  He had never liked upsetting customers, even if it wasn’t his fault. 

“Nishinoya…what’s wrong?”  Tsukishima decided to ask. 

“I’M GONNA BE SHORT FOREVER!!”  He exclaimed, among other remarks about how dumb and thoughtless he had been.  But that meant…

Tsukishima ran through yesterday’s events again in his head.  He remembered that Nishinoya had gotten the bag of birdseed and walked out of the store without taking the potion.  Perhaps, since his routine had been changed that day…

“You forgot to take it, didn’t you?...” Tsukishima asked. 

“I’M SO DUMB!  HOW COULD I FORGET TO TAKE IT?” 

 _Easily_ , Tsukishima thought.  He didn’t say that though.  Instead, he brought a hand to his chest as his heart slowed.  His breaths were coming hard now.  He hadn’t realized how nervous he had been about Nishinoya potentially falling in love with him.

Tanaka was trying to calm him down, “No no, Yuu, it’s alright!”

“It’s a good thing you didn’t take it,” Tsukishima said at last, standing to tower over Nishinoya who was still on the ground.  He stopped whining and looked up at Tsukishima, eyes glistening with tears and questions.

“We accidentally gave you a love potion instead of the growth potion.  We didn’t notice until this afternoon.”

Nishinoya blinked a few times, trying to register what Tsukishima was telling him.  “A love potion?” He asked.

Of course a love potion, did Tsukishima have to repeat himself?

“Yes,” he said, trying not to roll his eyes.

Nishinoya turned to look at the base of the counter which he was eye level with.  His expression was unreadable, slack-jawed and glassy eyed. 

“Who…who would I have fallen in love with…if I had taken it,” Nishinoya’s tone was robotic, as if he were on autopilot.

“The way the potion works is whoever gives you the potion is the one you fall in love with.  So, seeing as I handed you the love potion yesterday, that would have been me,” Tsukishima said, pushing his glasses up on his face more to hide his eyes than anything else.  Not that Nishinoya was looking at him…

“Should I bring it back?”  Nishinoya asked.

Tsukishima inhaled through his teeth, making an audible noise.  It was a lot of money for the shop.  “The problem with that is that if the potion is handed back to anyone who gave it to someone else, it will lose its potency.  It’s just how it works.  The idea is if the person doesn’t accept it, then the potion thinks the person doesn’t want to fall in love, and it ceases to work.  So, give it to someone else, throw it away if you want, but it would be useless to bring it back here.  We’ve all handled it,” it was a miracle it still would have worked considering the circumstances.  It was a dumb rule that Akiteru had somehow worked into the recipe. “Besides, we’ve already made another one.”

Nishinoya scrunched his nose in distaste, then his expression changed back to the listless, inscrutable expression he had on a moment ago.

“So…if I give it to someone else…” Nishinoya began to say.

“They’d fall in love with you,” Tsukishima finished.  There was another bout of silence, “Hey, free love potion right?  I’m sorry about all of this.  Really, I am.” 

Nishinoya didn’t say anything.  He didn’t even move for the longest time.  Tsukishima was beginning to wonder if they should just leave him there. 

“Here, you can have you growth potion for free today,” Tsukishima said, trying to rectify the situation.  He figured that trying Yamaguchi’s method of placating customer’s might help.

As far as he could tell, Nishinoya was pretty torn up about missing his growth potion.  Tsukishima knew that it at least gave him hope.  Missing it and finding out that he didn’t have the right potion to begin with seemed to be giving him a real shock.  The natural solution was to give him the growth potion free of charge.

Nishinoya took the bottle without a word, still staring at the blank panel of the counter.  At last, he stood and walked out the door.  

Outside of the window, Nishinoya stopped and stared at the clear bottle of liquid in his hands.  After almost a minute of not moving, he uncorked the lid and tipped his head back as he drank the serum.  Then, he walked off without looking back towards the potions shop. 

Once he was out of view, Tsukishima sighed, releasing all of the stress that had been building up inside of him since they had figured out the potion was missing this morning.  He could still feel his own heart beating.  It was dull against his rib cage despite its fast pace from all of the adrenaline. 

It was almost as if he was unhappy with the outcome.  Tsukishima brushed it off as wishing the mistakes hadn’t been made to begin with.  If it was something else…well it wasn’t something else.  End of story.

* * *

Noya walked home, staring at the empty bottle of growth serum in his hand.  It felt strange.  Empty and yet heavy.  He furrowed his eyebrows at it. 

He had a love potion in his possession.

What that meant, he had no idea.  It was simply the idea that he had the love potion at all that was making his mind too numb to think.  Before he knew it, he was back at his apartment, standing in front of his door trying to remember to fish his keys out of his pocket.

When he opened his door, there was a familiar caw from the open window.  The noise brought him out of his reverie.

“Hey, Asahi,” he said, his own voice sounding low and foreign in his own ears. 

“Caaaw,” Asahi responded and Noya smiled.  At least the crow never left his side.

His stomach growled with hunger, but he couldn’t think about preparing food at the moment.  Instead, Noya went over to where he had put the love potion the night before.  He remembered last night so clearly now.  He had come home, set the bottle down on the table, and then put the bag of sunflower seed away.  After that, he hadn’t returned to take the potion, instead going to his room to watch T.V. with Asahi on his shoulder.

Noya stared hard at the brown bag still covering the potion.  He took the bottle out, watching the contents swirl with purple liquid, silver streaks running through it here and there.  For a long time, he sat and watched the potion, unmoving and unblinking.  After a while, he realized his eyes were dry and tired and turned to look at Asahi.

“Do you know what this is?” he asked, directing the question at the crow.

Asahi ruffled his feathers and gave him a small, “Caw”.  Noya smirked, knowing that he couldn’t possibly know what it was.  No one would.

“It’s the answer to my prayers.”

Instead of answering, Asahi stayed quiet, tilting his head to look at Noya.  His beak seemed razor sharp all of a sudden.  Noya pet his soft, feathered head to remind himself of what a sweetheart Asahi was. 

“The problem is,” Noya began, “it won’t work the way I need it to.” 

He continued to stare at the potion, realizing that Asahi was now looking at the purple liquid too.

Asahi.

No, Noya hadn’t named the crow after beer.  Asahi had been named after a person he had once known.  A person he had once let down…

At first, he had waited, hoping Asahi would come back.  They could still be friends!  He still wanted to be friends…it was the only thing Noya _could_ be.

They had tried dating, but Noya had been what Asahi described as “detached”.  It didn’t make sense, Noya didn’t want to be around anyone as much as he wanted to hang out with Asahi and yet it wasn’t enough.  He hadn’t wanted to lose Asahi, but he couldn’t figure out what he was doing wrong!  After Asahi had left, it took a long time and a lot of research, but Noya finally figured out what was wrong. 

Noya was what might be described as Aromantic, or Asexual.  Possibly another term.  He had given up trying to understand the difference after the first two articles.  It was too much to wrap his head around.  The important part was, there was an answer. 

He didn’t feel love like normal people.  Noya was different.  And he was different in a way that other people couldn’t understand.  He was different in a way that made him alone.

The worst part was that he still wanted to have relationships with people.  But those relationships were more in a friend sort of way.  He wanted to go on long road trips, watch fireworks, splash in the river and cause a bunch of mischief. 

Hugging and patting someone’s back was fine, but kissing was weird.  Sex was even weirder.  How did people even crave that?  And more importantly, how did they expect it of him?

He didn’t understand how just having fun wasn’t enough.  Why wasn’t hanging out and having a good time plenty for people to be happy?  Did they really have to do those other things to be satisfied?  Apparently.  That was why he pretended to have a crush on Shimizu…that seemed normal and people stopped questioning him.

It had hurt so much.  After he had found the definitions online, Noya couldn’t say that he blamed Asahi.  They had even made up somewhat after Noya had explained what he found.  Now they were talking here and there, but their interaction was strained. 

And now, sitting right in front of him, was the answer.  Except, it had a different solution.  A wrong solution. 

Noya couldn’t give it to Asahi.  Asahi already loved him, that wasn’t the issue.  And given what Tsukishima had told him, he couldn’t make Asahi give it to himself either.  If he gave it to Asahi, and Asahi gave it back, the potion would lose its potency and wouldn’t work anymore.  Noya frowned at the bottle.  He didn’t like riddles…

Asahi cawed beside him, causing Noya to flinch and tear his eyes away from the bottle at last. 

“Sorry, you must be hungry.”

As he filled Asahi’s food bowl with sunflower seed, Noya tried to think. 

He could take the potion as it was.  At least then he would fall in love with someone.  Maybe, if he could experience what it was like to love someone, he would eventually be able to fall in love with a different person.  Love potions didn’t last forever, right?

“What do you think, Asahi?” he asked.  The bird stared at him, but remained silent.  In crow speak, that was probably a negative answer. 

Noya realized he didn’t want a negative answer.  He scrunched his face, angry at himself and who he was, and drank the purple liquid in defiance.


	2. Miscalculated Scenarios

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noya experiences unwanted effects from the love potion and Tsukishima gets a visit from a nerve-racking stranger.

Taking that potion might have been the dumbest thing Noya had ever done in his life.  He was starting to understand why Tsukishima thought he was a complete moron.

Sure, he had never been that great at school, but he didn’t think it was because he was dumb.  He just thought school was boring and didn’t put any effort into it.  Bad grades made sense in that case.  Who cared?  But Tsukishima put effort into school.  Because he was smart.  Unlike the dumbass Nishinoya, king of the stupid.

He should have paid attention in school.  Tsukishima probably liked people who were smart.  Scratch that, Tsukishima probably liked women who were smart. 

What the hell had Noya been thinking? 

He hadn’t been thinking.  That was the problem.  Noya never thought things through.  He didn’t take the time to consider the consequences of his actions.  Rather, he took the consequences as they came.  There wasn’t a whole lot he couldn’t handle after all.

At least that’s what he thought until he was forced to fall in love with someone that hated him.  Someone who probably wasn’t gay to begin with.  Just because Asahi was gay didn’t mean everyone was gay.  How could he forget something so obvious?

Noya must have picked up the phone a dozen times, contemplating calling Tsukishima to tell him what he’d done.  Or perhaps just to hear his voice.  Maybe Tsukki would make fun of Noya.  Tell him how obnoxious he was or make fun of his height.

Ugggghhhhh his height.  Noya hated being short.  He didn’t even know if Tsukishima liked short people.  What if he did like shorter people?  Was that overshadowed by the fact that they were obnoxious and stupid?

Or male…

Noya laid in his bed for hours.  He didn’t sleep at all that night, tossing and turning and trying to get FREAKING TSUKISHIMA out of his mind!  The bedsheets were laced with sweat.  Sunlight streamed through the window as Noya hugged all of the pillows around him.  There were even a few he had stolen from the couch.

It was a nice day outside, which was cruel considering how Noya felt.  He felt sick.  Worse than that, he felt guilty.  He couldn’t remember the last time he called out of work.  The rare times he did, it was because he literally could not get out of bed.  Not because he felt so hopeless that he didn’t _want_ to get out of bed.

The excuse made Noya hate himself more than already did for taking that stupid potion.  The guilt began to eat at him.  However, whenever he looked at the door and thought about getting up, Noya would groan and roll back over.  Getting up seemed worse than lying to his boss.  At some point he had to admit he wasn’t going to make it out of his apartment, much less to work.

Asahi cawed at him from the window.  The crow hadn’t left the apartment all morning even though he was free to come and go as he wished.  Instead, Asahi tried to take care of Noya, as best as he could for being a crow at least.  He’d even brought Noya a granola bar when Noya hadn’t gotten up to get breakfast. 

As Noya laid in bed, crushing his cheek into a pillow, he couldn’t help but think of how unfair it all was.  Did love always feel this way?  He could see why people made such a big deal about it, although the reason they acted like it was the best thing in the world evaded his understanding.  If people had to feel like this all the time, certainly there would be more complaining.  None of the stories would be pretty, they’d be tragic and heartbreaking.  Not to mention all of the songs would be sad and desperate.

Actually, that’s what a lot of them _were_ like now that he thought about it…

Shit, what was even fun about being “in love”?!?  It was painful, gut wrenching, and life destroying.  How could anyone enjoy this EVER?  And he had to go and fall in love with someone who would never have him! There had to be happiness involved in being in love somewhere, right? Was it better if the person loved them back?

Noya’s mind began churning with made up scenarios of what might happen if Tsukishima loved him back.  He imagined Tsukishima doing things he’d seen couples do in the movies: bringing him breakfast in bed, surprising him with gifts, snuggling with him while watching a movie…

At the thought of physical contact, Noya became immobilized with fantasy.  He began to imagine Tsukishima’s hands roaming over his chest, across his back, through his hair.  The images became more vivid and Noya felt heat blooming in his stomach, as if Tsukishima were touching him at that moment. 

He couldn’t be a passive receiver though.  Not a chance.  He imagined running his own hands across Tsukishima’s stomach, over his hips, underneath his shirt.  As he laid in bed, clutching the pillows around him, Noya couldn’t think of anything he wanted to be doing more than touching Tsukishima at the moment.  He let out a small whimper, wishing his imagination could be a reality.

The worst part was imagining how Tsukishima might react to the touch.  Noya imagined him leaning his cheek against the palm of his hand, closing his eyes and breathing out a noise at the contact.  It made Noya’s own eyes flutter half closed. 

Then the scene became more intense.  Tsukishima bent low, having to lean over to reach Noya before kissing him on the lips.  That was the point Noya started to come undone. 

Any kisses he might have suffered through before had been blocked out.  He didn’t have any memories to draw on to determine what that kiss might feel like, and the image fell flat.  It had to be better.  Tsukishima had to taste like something.

Did people taste like sweat when they kissed you?  Or saliva?  Like, when you share drinks with someone else?  Good enough for now.  Noya plugged those tastes into the scene and went back to day dreaming. 

Tsukishima kissed him, forcing Noya to tilt his head back to reach.  While he laid in bed, his head tilted back of its own accord, pressed by nothing except his own imagination.  His breaths were coming harder now, although he wasn’t sure why. 

Then Noya imagined what Tsukishima might be doing with his hands as they kissed.  Holding the back of his head, caressing his back, sliding low over his hips and down further touching…

That thought was too much.  He shot out of bed, kicking the covers off in a flurry, stomach lurching at the images of the contact in places Noya had never wanted to be touched before.  Asahi flew off the bed in alarm as Noya rushed to the bathroom.  It was a close, but he managed to make it to the toilet before vomiting up the granola bar and bile.

Being in love _sucked._

* * *

Wednesday wasn’t as hard on the staff, but it still came with its own problems.  Namely, problems for Tsukishima.

There was the normal batch of growth potion, gels to keep bright colors in the hair, extracts to help with strength or speed.  Nothing too difficult or taxing.  Hinata hadn’t come by to pick up the new love potion yet, so Tsukishima figured he would be by later in the day.

Tanaka had been tiptoeing around Tsukishima all morning after his blunder with the love potion.  Which was a good thing because Tsukishima couldn’t be sure that he wouldn’t snap at Tanaka if he spoke to him.  The incident was still bothering him.

At first, he thought it was because he hated making mistakes and wanted to know how to fix it in the future.  But that was easy, teach Tanaka more about potions to prevent him from screwing up.  No, it wasn’t that thought that he was ruminating over.  Although, it took time to convince himself of what was bothering him.

It was the idea that Nishinoya would have fallen in love with him.  That’s what kept nagging at his brain, making him dwell on yesterday.  There was even a moment where Tsukishima wished he hadn’t told Noya about the potion, maybe he would have just taken it.

No, that was ridiculous.  He would have noticed the color difference for sure. 

He had to remind himself that love potions weren’t the answer.  At least, they weren’t an answer he wanted.  No matter how long they lasted or how subtle it was, it still wasn’t real love.  Just attraction. 

It was hard enough being attracted to men, but then one accidental love potion later and Tsukishima’s hopes had gone all haywire.  He could understand why people were desperate to have them. 

He didn’t even like Nishinoya!...right?  He was obnoxious and pathetically dumb.  It wasn’t like he brightened Tsukishima’s day every time he came in…okay, he did but it was just because teasing him was fun!  Noya wasn’t endearing or chivalrous…

Tsukishima had been staring at the cash register, thinking hard when the door jingled open, catching his attention. 

A man glided through the door.  He was only a few centimeters shorter than Tsukishima and at the sight of him, Tsukishima was jealous.  He made being tall look graceful and not awkward.  The way his coiffed, chocolate-colored hair bobbed around his perfect face as he walked.  His slender frame that was as muscular as it was lithe.

The man was pretty too.  Too pretty.  The kind of pretty that set off all sorts of alarms in Tsukishima’s head saying, “Don’t look twice at this guy, chances are he’s a selfish prick because he can get by in life on looks alone.” 

The stranger approached the counter with an easy smile on his face, leaning across the marble top on his elbows.  It was clear he wanted something.

“I heard from some friends that this was the best potion shop in town,” the man said, letting the statement linger.  His chin was propped up on his hand now and Tsukishima’s suspicions weren’t lessening. 

“That may be the opinion of some…” Tsukishima replied, pushing his glasses back up on his face.  The man had soft, brown eyes that seemed oddly childish and perceptive at the same time.  When his smile parted to show his pearly white teeth, Tsukishima took a step back.

The motion caused the man’s smile to falter, and his eyes flashed down and then back up to rest of Tsukishima’s face, reading his expression.  After a second, he stood up straight, no longer leaning against the table.

“I was wondering if you guys made love potions,” he said, a voice a little less friendly than it had been a moment ago.

Oh dear, not another one.

“Yes, we do.  But they’re expensive.”

“No no no, I don’t want it for myself.  I was wondering if a certain someone had requested one recently.”

That was what the man wanted.  To know who had asked for the love potion.

“I’m not at liberty to discuss that,” Tsukishima said.

The man smiled again, lips pulled a little tighter than they had been.  Tsukishima felt uncomfortable, but he wasn’t about to back down.  Not after that first step backwards which appeared to have put the man’s sensors on alert.  Tsukishima stood stalk still, intent on not giving this man any more information. 

He wasn’t sure why, but this man seemed dangerous.

“Are you sure there weren’t any small, red-haired, excitable guys coming into our little shop here and ordering a love potion?”

The words.  The words this man used, to try and buddy up with Tsukishima.  Anyone else might have missed them, but Tsukishima saw through them.  The man was using words like “our” to supplant the illusion of friendship.  He also asked “Are you sure…” which would have indicated that Tsukishima had told him that no one had asked for a love potion.  That wasn’t what Tsukishima had said.

This man was clever.  And most of all, Tsukishima was right, he was dangerous.

At that point, Tanaka shouted from the back room, “Is someone asking about Hinata?”

Tsukishima clenched his fists, ready to strangle his idiot employee.  When Tanaka stuck his head around the door, it was apparent that he was remembering that he was supposed to be tiptoeing around Tsukishima.  Not sticking his head into matters that didn’t concern him.

The stranger’s expression softened back to its original state. 

“Ahh, so you know Hinata!  Great guy, isn’t he?” the man asked, turning his attention towards Tanaka.  He tucked his hands into his pockets and leaned back so he appeared at ease.

“Tanaka…” Tsukishima said, his voice almost a growl, “Leave this to me.”

Tanaka didn’t respond, slinking back into the back room without another word.

It was apparent how irritated the stranger was when Tsukishima ordered Tanaka to leave.  His mouth tensed in a hard line.  When his eyes narrowed, Tsukishima found it unnerving how they could go from soft to intense in a split second.  Perhaps Tsukishima should have been more afraid of agitating the stranger further, but now he was angry too.  A lot of his anger was directed at the idiot Tanaka, but a most of it was directed at this man who was trying to obtain sensitive information. 

“So,” the man said, dropping the charming act altogether, “Hinata has visited this store.”

He couldn’t lie at this point, Tanaka had ruined that option, “Yes.”

“Has he ordered a love potion?” The man’s eyes were boring into Tsukishima’s own.

“I cannot tell you that.”

“How come?”

“I have a responsibility my customers.”

“Tsukki?  Are you alright?” Yamaguchi walked towards him, interrupting the standoff.  The sound of his voice made Tsukishima relax.  Tanaka must have told him that something was up.

Upon relaxing, the man’s eyes ran over Tsukishima before flitting from Yamaguchi to Tsukishima and back again.  The stranger tilted his chin up, all of his weight secured over his hips as he was scanning the scene.  Then, the stranger dropped his hands and lowered his head back to a normal position.  Tsukishima could feel himself tense again.

“Aww, you poor thing.  Friend-zoned by this cutie-pie,” the stranger said.  He said it with such ease while Tsukishima’s stomach turned to lead.

As expected, Yamaguchi stood clueless, “Friend-zoned?” 

The strangers eyes widened and he covered his mouth with a hand.  “Oops.”

Oops?!  _OOPS?!?_ Tsukishima wasn’t sure if he was angrier at the fact that he couldn’t tell if it was an honest mistake or not, and if it was how ‘Oops’ would help. 

“You should leave,” he said, his voice cracked into an even lower octave.

The stranger was infuriatingly collected about being told to leave.  He sported the same, easy smile on his face and he continued to stand tall and proud.  If Tsukishima had been a customer and hadn’t known better, he would have thought the people running the shop were being unnecessarily aggressive.

There was a prolonged and uncomfortable silence.  At last, the stranger turned to leave, voice still cheery and carefree, “If you see Hinata, tell him Oikawa said ‘Hi!’…” There was a pause and the stranger’s voice turned dark, “…If you see him.” 

The door jingled as it opened and shut. 

Oikawa…

Tsukishima stored that piece of information away so he could deal with his current predicament…by pretending it hadn’t happened.  He went about re-shelving bottles of potions and tinctures, trying to ignore Yamaguchi.

“Tsukki?”  Yamaguchi’s voice was quiet, and higher than normal.

“What,” Tsukishima replied, his words clipped and low.  In response Yamaguchi withdrew. 

Before retreating into the back room, Yamaguchi spoke, almost whispering, “I…I just want you to know that I don’t mind.  I like you how you are.”

Tsukishima never turned around to look at him.  He was left alone in the front of the store to deal with the slow and steady flow of customers.  It was busy enough to keep him from doing anything rash, but slow enough to allow him time to think.  Much of the time he spent wondering if Yamaguchi meant what he had said. 

It was possible, but Tsukishima would have to talk to him later to be sure.  The last thing he wanted was for his best and most loyal friend to be scared of him.  But his secret had been cracked, by a complete stranger nonetheless, and it led to other secrets. 

By the end of the day, Hinata still hadn’t shown up.  Tsukishima was left to wonder what the strange visitor, Oikawa, had meant.  What did, “If you see him” mean? 

It sounded ominous, but Oikawa had wanted to know if Hinata had come to their store in search of a love potion.  What would he need with that information?  Surely nothing too horrible.  Right?  Why did he even care in the first place?

This was another reason why Tsukishima hated love potions.  They caused all sorts of ridiculous and unnecessary drama.  And for what, a whole hell of a lot of heart break.

Speaking of love potions, Nishinoya still hadn’t come by for his growth potion.  Odd.  He should have been there by now.  They were close to closing and given his reaction yesterday, Tsukishima doubted he wanted to miss another dose.  Even if it was frivolous…

He decided to try and contact him via the store commir.  If necessary, he could deliver it.  Tsukishima had done that before for emergencies.  Not that this qualified as an emergency, but it seemed important.  To Nishinoya at least. 

No one answered the enchanted mirror, so Tsukishima sent a message by owl.  It felt wrong somehow, but there were plenty of explanations as to why Nishinoya might not answer his commir. 

He chose to ignore the odd sensation in his stomach telling him something wasn’t right and instead tried to figure out what he was going to tell Yamaguchi after work. 

Neither Yamaguchi nor Tanaka had bothered him all day, but Tsukishima could tell they were concerned.  At one point, he thought he heard his name whispered in the back room between the two.  That did nothing to settle his nerves.

By closing time, Tsukishima was exhausted.  Between trying to calm himself down over being forcibly pushed out of the closet, worrying about what horrors might befall Hinata, and wondering where Nishinoya was, his brain had up and quit on him.  And he still needed to talk to Yamaguchi now that things had settled down.

They were walking home together, as usual.  Tsukishima was trying to figure out what he wanted to say before Yamaguchi turned down the street separate from his own.  Yamaguchi beat him to the punch.

“You know, I meant it…earlier today…you’re still the same person that stood up to those bullies for me all those years ago,” Yamaguchi said at last, staring at his shoes as he walked. 

Tsukishima sighed, “So you’re not worried I might have had crush on you?”

“Well, I’d be lying if I said it didn’t cross my mind…but no, I don’t think I’d be worried.”

Despite hearing those words, Tsukishima didn’t believe it.  Not for a second.  “Are you sure?”

Yamaguchi looked up towards the stars, humming as he thought.  Then he smiled at Tsukishima, “Yeah, pretty sure.”

The reiteration didn’t do anything to make Tsukishima believe Yamaguchi more.  Instead, it only served to make him want to prove Yamaguchi wrong.  “What if I told you it was true?  A…a long time ago…”

Yamaguchi stopped walking, and Tsukishima stopped a half-step later, hands coming together in front of him.  Whatever Yamaguchi was thinking, Tsukishima didn’t dread it as much as he thought he would.  If was a relief even to admit that out loud.  Years of saying nothing and pushing it down until it crumbled in on itself had been released into the wind at long last. 

“Did you really?”

“Yeah, well, it may have just been flattery.  It’s sort of hard to tell sometimes, and when I first met you, you thought I was amazing,”

“You were amazing!  Who wouldn’t think that about someone who scared a bunch of bullies away just by looking at them?”

Tsukishima looked down at his hand, fingertips touching to form an O.  “I’m sorry.”

“Why?”

“I didn’t want to make things awkward.”

“They’re not awkward.  I mean, I had no idea, and it’s a little hard to process, but…”  Yamaguchi stopped talking for a moment to gather his thoughts, “I’m glad you told me.”

Tsukishima scoffed, turning to continue home.

“I mean it!”  Yamaguchi said, running a few steps to catch up.  “I always thought that you hated me!  That I was the nuisance friend you couldn’t get rid of.  It’s…well it’s sort of a relief to know that’s not true.”

Tsukishima peered at him from the corner of his eye.  Despite what he expected to see, Yamaguchi’s expression was sincere.  “I didn’t hate you…I just…” he paused, thinking of how to phrase it, “You were so excited to be friends with me.  And as awful as it sounds, that hurt… There were so many nights that I didn’t sleep, wishing that you could love me the way I loved you.  I probably tried to push you away.  I’m finding I have a tendency to do that…”  He squinted into the darkening skies ahead of them, pushing down any residual pain before continuing.

“Then you got a girlfriend, and I had to make a choice,” he said.  Tsukishima didn’t look at Yamaguchi for a long time as they continued to walk.  At last, he turned to see Yamaguchi’s bottom lip quivering hard.  The motion prompted Yamaguchi to start speaking.

“You chose our f-f-friendship over…” he said, voice quivering just as much as his bottom lip was. 

“Love is a pointless and unnecessary thing.  It’ll only hurt you in the end.”

“How can you believe that?!”  Desperation filled Yamaguchi’s voice and he was near tears by then.  It was painful to watch.  For Yamaguchi, love was easier and made more sense.  People didn’t believe he was a monster because of the people he was attracted to.

“Why shouldn’t I?  It’s not like love has ever done me any favors.  It’s just a pain.”

Yamaguchi rounded on him, standing in front of Tsukishima with his arms spread open. 

“I may not love you the way you used to love me, but does that make it any less valuable?  Does me wanting to see you happy mean nothing?  I know it hurts but is that the only thing it is to you?!  IS IT JUST A PAIN TO BE MY FRIEND?!” 

Tsukishima flinched away from Yamaguchi.  He hadn’t meant…his fists clenched by his sides, arms shaking. He flat out refused to look Yamaguchi in the eyes anymore because he knew he’d be crying.  “No.  It’s not just a pain.  I’m very fortunate to have you.  I wouldn’t trade our friendship for anything.”

A moment later, Tsukishima was crushed by a hug that would put a bear to shame.  Yamaguchi pulled him in close, pinning his arms to his sides and squeezing hard.

“Yama…guchi,” he tried to say, but it was too difficult to breathe, let alone speak. The grip around his torso released and he gasped for air.  Yamaguchi grasped his shoulders, forcing Tsukishima to look him in the eyes.  Tears were spilling over the corner of Yamaguchi’s own eyes in heavy streams.

“I’m sorry…if I hurt you…back then.  I didn’t mean to.”

That wasn’t right.  Tsukishima should have been the one to apologize. 

“It’s fine,” he said, “Really.  You’ve been the best friend anyone could have ever asked for.  I’m sorry I had to go and screw it all up, in all honesty.  I wish I had had a choice.” he said. 

“I don’t think you understand how relieved I am that you didn’t hate me all that time,” Yamaguchi said.

“Yeah.  Sorry.  I was kind of an ass at times.”  Yamaguchi waved it off, turning to continue walking home instead.

“Is there anything I can do to make it easier?”

“Nah, the intensity faded over time.  I’m ok.  Really.  I’m happy having you as a friend,” he said, smiling as hard as he could.  He couldn’t tell if Yamaguchi bought it, even though it was true enough.  Yamaguchi was reliable and was always there when Tsukishima needed him.  At this point, even if by some miracle Yamaguchi could have returned the affection from so long ago, Tsukishima didn’t feel the same way he had anymore.  He had grown and things were different now.

There were still days here and there where Tsukishima thought about what it might have been like if thing were different.  If he could have dated Yamaguchi.  Still, it no longer hurt like it used to, nor was it nearly as often anymore.  In fact, more often than not his daydreams were haunted by different people now. 

Even before the love potion incident, Tsukishima couldn’t deny that he’d seen Noya’s face once or twice in situations he would never admit out loud.

They reached the point in the road where they parted ways.  On a normal day, they would have said farewell and walked away.  Today, they turned to face one another.  Tsukishima could tell that Yamaguchi was still worried as his eyebrows were knit together.

“We’ll find you someone!  Eventually!” he said, pumping his fists towards the ground.  He said it with such conviction that Tsukishima almost wanted to believe it.  Almost.

Tsukishima rolled his eyes, “I’m just happy that you didn’t leave me when you found out.”

Yamaguchi blinked at him, hands still clenched in fists, but loosening, “I would never leave you side.”

Those words hit Tsukishima like a truck.  His chest clenched, and it became difficult to breathe again.  If nothing else, Yamaguchi had accepted him for who he was without batting an eye.  He really couldn’t have asked for a better friend.  His heart still felt hollow and empty, but it was warmer now.  They said goodbye and Tsukishima walked the rest of the way home.  Perhaps he would never fill the gaping hole in his heart, but having Yamaguchi made it less painful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to explain a few things.  
> 1) This didn't start out as a Harry Potter AU, I just found that I could work that in after I had written everything. Obviously, I had to make a few changes. Namely the commirs instead of cell phones. It's basically just an enchanted mirror that can contact many different people instead of just one, like Sirius had in the original HP series. You cast a spell and say the person's name, like floo powder almost, but just for conversing. And they don't have ways to store messages yet, so owls are backup (If you read the original first chapter, I went back and changed that). Those work fine, so why not. I figured since the original Harry Potter took place in the past, (1998 was the Battle of Hogwarts), a few things have changed. I probably could have thought this out better, but I think it works for now. (If you have suggestions, I'd love to hear them)  
> 2) As far as the names go, I kinda figure it's a clique of Japanese immigrants who now live in England for whatever reason. That being said, they use last or first (given) names on a preference basis, especially withing the clique. It's sort of a mix. Again, something I didn't think about super hard, but it's the explanation I'm going to use because it sounds reasonable given my current understanding of how Japanese names work =P (again let me know if you have better ideas).  
> 3) I honestly would have tried harder with both of these things if I knew it was going to be this long or intricate when I started. Then I got to a point where it was a hassle to change, so I'm sorry. //sweats


	3. Heartbreak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nishinoya comes to the apothecary to get something to help him sleep and Tsukishima finds him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To whomever said this fic was going to kill you, I'm so sorry.
> 
> Edit: I do apologize for the length of time it will take me to get the next chapter ready. I've been studying for my licensing exam and it's taken up most of my time (first exam is July 19th and second is August 4th for those that would like a time frame). Rest assured, the chapter is written. I just need to edit...but I edit A LOT so it still going to take time.

Thursday was…well…after the week Tsukishima had been having, Thursday was just the cherry on top of the shit-storm cake that had been baking all week.  It started early too. 

He had been worried that things between him and Yamaguchi might be strained, no matter how convincing Yamaguchi had been last night.  But that wasn’t what made Thursday so bad.  In fact, Yamaguchi greeted Tsukishima with his usual cheery smile and acted as if nothing significant had happened.  Maybe it was Tsukishima’s imagination, but Yamaguchi’s smile seemed bigger today for some reason.

On a typical day, the store opened early, and a few people came in before work.  After the first rush, the staff would have the morning to take phone orders and prepare all the potions for the day.  There might be a few stragglers here and there, but the midday traffic was light. 

It started off with one, unexpected straggler.  When they wandered into the store the bell on the door alerted Tsukishima that someone had come in, but he couldn’t see who it was.  The person was too short and had walked behind one of the front shelves with the herbs and simpler potions. 

At first it didn’t seem like much.  Then, Tsukishima heard a squawk which was quickly muffled and then shushed.  It was too fast, and he couldn’t make out the type of bird, but he could tell it was an animal. 

“Excuse me,” he said, walking from behind the counter over to where the person was behind the shelves, “We don’t allow…pets…” Tsukishima stopped talking.

Sitting on the floor, looking at the bottom row of lavender sleeping salts was an incredibly disheveled Nishinoya.  His hair wasn’t gelled up.  Instead it hung lank and harassed around his face, the yellow stripe dangling limp in the center. 

A glance told Tsukishima that he may not have slept last night…or the night before.  There were dark circles under his eyes and a wild expression on his face.  He wasn’t wearing his usual work clothes, instead sporting gym shorts and an oversized t-shirt that appeared stained and well-worn.  Perched on his shoulder was a black crow.

Seeing Nishinoya in that state made Tsukishima’s gut twist...something was very wrong.  “Y-Yamaguchi!” Tsukishima called. 

Yamaguchi didn’t answer.  In his place Tanaka walked out from the back room, wiping his hands on his apron.  Come to think of it, Tanaka might be better seeing as he was close friends with Nishinoya.  He didn’t rush over, instead easing his way past the front counter.  Tsukishima was too busy studying the crow to mind. 

“Yamaguchi’s hands are tied up, what’s up, boss?” Tanaka said.  Tsukishima couldn’t find the words to answer him. 

Tanaka reached the point where Tsukishima was standing and he followed his gaze to where Nishinoya was still sitting.  “HOLY SHIT!”

“Shhh!” Tuskishima hissed as the crow ruffled its feathers.  Nishinoya was staring at them, eyes wide-open in horror, yet drooping every once in a while in his exhaustion.  He hadn’t moved or spoken since Tsukishima had found him. 

“Would you help him up?” Tsukishima asked Tanaka.  Tanaka gave him a terse nod and walked over to where Nishinoya was sitting.  As he was standing up, Nishinoya began to list sideways.  The crow spread its wings as his base became unsteady and flew the meter or so to Tsukishima. 

He held out an arm on instinct.  It was after the crow had landed that he realized that he’d just let Nishinoya’s crow perch on him.  Tsukishima guessed it was fine as long as it didn’t poop on him…

Tanaka led Nishinoya to the back room, allowing him to lean on his shoulder to ensure he didn’t collapse.  The whole way back, Nishinoya was staring at his own feet.  The crow stayed on Tsukishima’s arm, but he noticed that it was watching Nishinoya. 

“I’m sorry…I did something…stupid.”  Nishinoya mumbled.

In an attempt for normalcy, Tsukishima said, “Well it’s not like that’s out of the ordinary.”

Nishinoya laughed weakly before his head drooped further. 

What on earth had happened to him?  He was fine just the other day!  Tsukishima began to feel guilty for not trying harder to contact Nishinoya when he hadn’t come to the store yesterday. 

They made it to the back room and Tsukishima summoned a cot and a blanket that were stored in the basement.  Nishinoya collapsed onto the cot face first.  The crow hopped off of Tsukishima’s arm and landed on the nearby countertop, ever watchful of his owner.

“Go back and make sure nothing is happening in the front,” Tsukishima instructed Tanaka who didn’t hesitate.  It was odd how quiet he was being in the midst of everything. 

“Noya,” Tsukishima said, trying to use the nickname Nishinoya had told him to use on numerous occasions.  Nishinoya made a hissing sounds as he inhaled fast.  “Would you like a sleeping potion?”

It seemed like a reasonable suggestion, seeing as Nishinoya had been in the section of the store with relaxing herbs and salts that would help him sleep.  Not to mention his appearance.

Nishinoya peered over his hand which was cushioning his face and nodded.  His eyes looked so sad.  It wasn’t right.  Tsukishima had to force himself from retreating on instinct.  Seeing Nishinoya as broken down as he was made it seem like the world was ending.  He had been coming to Tsukishima’s store for years and they had known each other long before that.  Nothing ever got to Nishinoya.  Tsukishima couldn’t begin to imagine what might have put him in this state. 

After a moment, he decided to try and comfort Nishinoya.  Tsukishima had never tried to touch a customer before, although that’s what his brother would suggest.  Now seemed like a good time to try.  He placed a hand on Nishinoya’s back, but it didn’t work as planned.  Nishinoya tensed at the contact, eyes bulging as he coiled in defense.  Tsukishima’s hand retracted and hovered above the offended spot, shaking.  Before he retracted it completely, he balled his hand into a fist, trying to rid himself of the sensation.

Without another word, Tsukishima went to the back room and prepared a sleeping draught.  It wasn’t a particularly potent one, but it should be enough to let Nishinoya rest.  Whatever had happened could wait to be explained until he felt better. 

If he wanted to talk about it that was.  Given the way he had reacted to Tsukishima touch, he wondered if Nishinoya would talk to them. 

He must have come here for a reason.  It didn’t make sense to Tsukishima.  Didn’t Nishinoya have friends that would look out for him?  Surely someone as energetic and happy as Nishinoya would have loads of friends that could look after him if something was wrong.  A potions shop, who was run by someone Nishinoya apparently didn’t want touching him seemed like the last place he would go.

“Yamaguchi, are you done with that batch of Billywig antidotes?” 

“Yes!”

“Good, would you go give this to Nis…to Noya?”

Yamaguchi looked from Tsukishima’s face to the sleeping draught and back again.  Concern washed over his face, but he didn’t protest. 

When Yamaguchi walked to the back room where Noya’s cot was, Tsukishima couldn’t stop himself from listening.  He could heard Yamaguchi’s soft voice coaxing Nishinoya to take the potion.  Then he heard some gut wrenching sniffles and words of regret coming from Noya himself.  He couldn’t quite make them out, but whatever they were, Tsukishima was sure he didn’t want to hear them.

About five minutes later, Yamaguchi came back.  His eyebrows were scrunched together in deep thought.  A part of Tsukishima wanted to ask what Nishinoya had said, but another part of him wanted nothing to do with whatever pain was involved in creating…that.

No one spoke about Nishinoya all day.  Tanaka checked on him every now and then, which made sense seeing how close they were.  However, to Tsukishima’s surprise, he never broached the topic.  Yamaguchi went to check on Nishinoya once or twice as well. 

Towards the middle of the day, Tsukishima decided he couldn’t stay away any longer.  His heart was twisted with sitting on the fact that something had wrecked Noya the way it had…  Nishinoya laid still on the cot, face soft and content as he slept.  At least he didn’t look like he had when he came in the store. 

Tsukishima found himself staring for a long time, wondering what on earth could have happened.  The crow was well trained, staying close to Nishinoya the whole time.  There was a small pile of droppings that would have to be cleaned up, but it was to be expected.  Tsukishima didn’t have the heart to kick the crow out. 

It wasn’t right.  Noya was supposed to be cheerful enough to the point he annoyed everyone around him.  He wasn’t supposed to be sad.  Ever.  Tsukishima almost felt guilty for corning him in the front of the store as he realized that Noya had been trying to avoid being seen.  Then again, if he hadn’t, Noya might not have gotten the sleeping draught.  Still, he would have had to come to pay for whatever products he chose at some point…

Noya slept for the remainder of the day.  It was such a deep sleep that he neither stirred nor made a sound the whole time, only breathing through his mouth in quiet puffs of air.  Tsukishima released the tension that had been building in his back and shoulders.  At least Noya would feel better after a good amount of sleep.  He just hoped it was enough.

* * *

When Noya woke up, there was a long moment where he couldn’t figure out where he was.  Asahi cawed at him, drawing his gaze.  He was perched on a nearby table peering down at him. 

Behind the bird was a scene that was unfamiliar to Noya.  Rows of bottles all of various colors, containers with sprigs of grass or flowers growing out of them, shelves of bright powders, open drawers full of empty bottles and stoppers, and a marble table in the middle of the room.  At the table, a man was pouring liquids from a small bottle into a cauldron.  He leaned back and covered his face as the concoction bubbled and steamed.

The man noticed Noya moving, and set down the ingredients he had been holding.

“Oh good, you’re awake,” Tanaka’s voice said.  Noya had to blink the blurriness from his eyes to see him.  It seemed darkish in the room.  How long had he been asleep?  Tanaka wiped his hands on his apron before continuing, “I’ll go get Tsukishima.”

Noya’s heart dropped straight through the cot and onto the floor.

“No no!” he whispered in a frantic voice, “Please no!” 

“Huh?”

Noya needed more time to explain, but first, he had to stop Tanaka from getting Tsukishima.  He stood up and his stomach was the next thing to drop.  The sudden queasiness made him stumble and fall back down onto the bench.

“Woah, woah.  Calm down!” Tanaka said, mimicking Noya’s tone and whispering.  He stopped walking towards the door and turned back to make sure Noya didn’t fall.

“Not Tsukishima.  Anyone but Tsukishima,” he pleaded.

“Ok, ok.  What’s wrong?”

“I did something…really stupid…” Noya said.  Tanaka just looked confused.  Then his head bent forward to prompt him to continue when Noya didn’t offer any more information.

“What did you do?”

“I…I…” Noya bit his bottom lip and squeezed his eyes shut.  There was no noise in the room as Tanaka waited for him to give his answer.  Beyond the door that led to the rest of the shop, sounds of customers filtered in and the cheerful voices of Tsukishima and Yamaguchi drifted to the back room.  Noya clung to Tsukishima’s voice.  He was using that familiar, fake tone he used with customers.  It was clear and easy for Noya’s ear to pick out now. 

Noya took a deep breath before explaining to Tanaka what he had done and why he had done it.  The ‘why’ was the hardest part to explain.  Not only did Noya have to define what asexual (or aromantic?) was amidst a barrage of questions, he then had to go into great detail about what it entailed and the consequences it had had for him so that Tanaka could understand.  All of that was even before he got to his current problem.

“And so you took the love potion we gave you?”

Noya nodded.

“And now you’re in love with Tsukishima?”

He nodded again.

“And it’s basically destroying your life.”

“Yeesssss,” Noya said, voice rasping at he tried to emphasize the word while trying to stay quiet at the same time.

“But if you didn’t want Tsukishima to find out, why did you come here then?  Why not go somewhere else to see if they can’t reverse it first?”

The question made Noya grit his teeth.  Yet another thing he hadn’t thought through.  He was devastated by how much of an idiot he was proving to be lately. 

“I just…trust you guys…” he said at last.  It was true enough, but now he wondered if part of that trust wasn’t misplaced.  He had heard the phrase ‘love is blind’ before, but he never knew what it meant until now.  "Besides, it's one of your specialties, right?  Other shops might not be able to fix it," he reasoned as an afterthought.

Noya thought about how he had planned his whole day around this trip to the shop.  He had spent a lot of time and effort trying to figure out what he was going to do.  It had taken over his life and none of it seemed remotely rational now.  The thought of going to a different store had never crossed his mind.

As soon as he was forced to consider the alternate solution, Tsukishima walked through the door. 

“Oh good, you’re awake,” he said, his voice calm and unassuming.  The throaty tenor of his voice made Noya freeze, shoulders tensing as his stomach doing a somersault.  It occurred to him that he should ask for a potion for his stomach…if he remembered later.  Noya wondered how on earth Tsukishima could be so calm when it felt like his world was falling apart.

Noya stared hard at his shoelaces.  If he made eye contact, he was certain that Tsukishima would be able to figure everything out just by looking at him.  He was too perceptive. 

Tsukishima walked over to Noya and knelt down in front of him, hands resting on his knees.  Noya tilted his head down further, trying to block out Tsukishima from his view.  It wasn’t fair.  The desire to look at Tsukishima’s face was difficult to fight, but Noya managed.  He had to.  Otherwise, Tsukishima would think he was a fool forever.

“How are you feeling?”  Tsukishima asked.  Answering was almost beyond his power, and Noya’s hands fisted in his pants. 

“I’m fine,” he said.  Even Noya didn’t believe he sounded fine given how soft and wispy his voice was. 

“It’s very clear that you’re not ‘fine’.  What is this stupid thing that you’ve done?  Please tell me what’s going on,” Tsukishima said.  He didn’t sound as irritated as he did on any other day when Noya was being hard-headed and resistant to listening. 

Instead, Tsukishima seemed almost...concerned.  Noya didn’t know what to make of that.  There was no reason for Tsukishima to be concerned about someone who irritated him.  Still, knowing that Tsukishima wasn’t angry right off the bat was helpful. 

Although, he probably would be once he found out what Nishinoya had done.

Noya tried to form words, but nothing came out.  At last, he looked Tsukishima in the eye.  He watched how Tsukishima’s eyebrows were furrowed together, his light brown eyes etched with worry behind his glasses.  The expression made it that much harder for Noya to talk.

Tsukshima turned to Tanaka, “Did he tell you anything?”

“Umm…” Tanaka shuffled his feet, face scrunching as he considered the question, “I think Yuu should be the one to tell you what’s going on.”

Noya appreciated that.  He didn’t want to be so pathetic that he had to get someone else to deliver a message for him.  Especially when he was right there.  However, he was going to have to tell Tsukishima everything.  Now.

“I’m sorry,” he began, and he retold the same story he had told Tanaka.  It didn’t take quite as long as it had the first time since Tsukishima didn’t interrupt him with questions.   The problem was, Noya couldn’t tell if he understood or perhaps didn’t care. 

Tsukishima stayed silent the whole time, listening.  His eyes drifted from Noya’s face off to the side and at last to the floor.  When Noya finished his tale, he waited.  Tsukishima continued to stare at the ground.

Behind him, Tanaka had remained silent.  Whatever Yamaguchi was doing in the front of the store had been long forgotten as the three of them sat with Noya’s dilemma being laid out in the open. 

After Noya had finished his story, he didn’t want to be the one to break the silence.  It was a long time before anyone spoke.  Tanaka might not have been breathing, scared as he was that Tsukishima was going to be angry. 

At long last, Tsukishima breathed in deep before speaking, “Well, I’m glad you told me.  There are ways to reverse the love potion…” he said.  His voice was odd, but Noya couldn’t place how. 

It could have been that it was higher than usual, or shaking with repressed anger.  Whatever it was, Noya stopped paying attention as soon as he understood that he didn’t have to be this way forever.  He didn’t have to put up with this train wreck of emotions that he didn’t even understand.  It was impossible for him to live like this on a daily basis.  Especially not when he had fallen for someone who hated him.

The explanation took some time, and Noya couldn’t stop thinking about how he could get back to the way things had been.  It had only been two days, but he was having trouble remembering what it felt like to not be in love.  He was waiting for the moment were he could say, “YES!” without being rude. 

Even when he was dying to have his own needs met, Noya was finding that he was trying to be more considerate of Tsukishima’s feelings.  He had never concerned himself with anyone’s perception of himself in this manner before.  On a normal day, Noya wouldn’t care how he interacted with Tsukishima as long as he wasn’t being flat out rude…and sometimes that was deserved. 

Now, Noya wanted Tsukishima to think well of him.  It seemed better to say and do nothing than to piss Tsukishima off further.  Even when he knew that he wouldn’t feel like this forever, he couldn’t stop himself from acting that way now.

It was a strange realization.  It may have been the first thing about being in love that Noya didn’t think was straight up awful, just weird. 

Once Tsukishima finished his explanation, Noya said, “Please.  I can’t do this.”

Tsukishima’s mouth was pressed in a hard line and he was still avoiding Noya’s gaze.  Noya wished that he didn’t have to be such a burden.  He wished that he could have had the foresight to avoid taking the potion in the first place and had thrown it away instead. 

It took a long time for Tsukishima to respond, and when he did, his voice was strained and almost cracked, “Sure.”

* * *

Tsukishima turned away from Noya not wanting to see his expression.  He had to give him credit, even Tsukishima hadn’t expected Nishinoya to be quite that dumb.  If he had known that Nishinoya would take the potion, he might have asked for him to bring it back.  He couldn’t say for sure though.

For some reason, the idea of reversing the love potion was making him feel heavy.  It felt as if he had a cinder block tied to his heart, making it difficult to pump blood to the rest of his body.  In turn, his arms felt like lead.  It took a considerable amount of effort to move them so he could stir the ingredients

He was in a trance as he made the antidote.  His limbs moved of their own accord and his mind seemed like nothing more than blank, white space.  At least this potion didn’t take as much time as the love potion itself.  If he had messed it up, he wouldn’t have been surprised.  Yet when he added the last ingredient, it was the correct shade of yellow, so he must have done it right.

When it was time to give the potion to Nishinoya, Tsukishima stood at the doorway, staring. 

He couldn’t do it. 

“Would you please give this to Noy…to Nishinoya, Yamaguchi?”

“Hmm?  What is it?”

Right.  Tsukishima hadn’t taken the time to explain to Yamaguchi what had happened after Nishinoya woke up.

“It’s an antidote for the love potion,” he said, trying to keep the explanation as simple as possible.  Yamaguchi looked to him for more information, but Tsukishima was in no mood to explain.  His expression must have told Yamaguchi that as he stayed silent.  He took the potion and walked back to where Tanaka and Nishinoya were and left Tsukishima to himself. 

Tsukishima went down to the basement to rearrange their inventory.  Anything to get him away from whatever on earth was going on upstairs.  Every time his thoughts drifted in that direction, Tsukishima stopped his train of thought and forced himself to think about something else. 

He waited for a while, trying to calculate when it would be safe to assume Nishinoya had left.  The last thing he wanted was to run into him.  It occurred to him that Nishinoya would be back every single day for that stupid growth potion.  At some point, Tsukishima would be forced to face him.

The worst part was that for a long time, Tsukishima couldn’t even figure out what was bothering him about it so much.  He hated love potions and all the drama they tended to cause in general, but it didn’t seem to be related to that. 

He also thought it might be because he had to get his hopes up about Nishinoya liking him again.  But that seemed irrational.  If that was the real reason, then he would have felt this bad the other day when Noya said he hadn’t taken the potion.  This was worse.  It was as if a black hole had formed underneath his heart to suck it up.

Speaking of not taking love potions, Hinata still hadn’t come by to pick up the second love potion.  Tsukishima began to wonder if that Oikawa guy hadn’t killed Hinata…He vaguely wondered what motivations Oikawa might have to prevent Hinata from coming to the shop.  Every time he tried to think about it, Tsukishima’s train of thought drifted back off into nothingness.  It was proving impossible to focus.

Towards the end of the day, he tried to contact Hinata, but there was no response. On the off chance that Oikawa was with Hinata at the moment, Tsukishima hesitated to send an owl.  He decided to send a message with as little detail as possible, simply requesting that Hinata try to contact him tomorrow when the shop opened again.

“Tsukki.  What’s wrong?  Please talk to me,” Yamaguchi said.  The dim light of the street lamps cast long shadows on the ground.  It appeared they were walking home, and Tsukishima wondered how they had gotten there. 

“I don’t know,” he said, realizing it was true.  He didn’t know why Nishinoya’s appearance and decision to reverse the love potion had affected him so much. 

Something about Yamaguchi’s concern and his question allowed Tsukishima’s mind to start exploring what had happened that day.  He replayed the events in his mind, trying to figure out why it hurt so much.

His first instinct was to look at how disheveled Noya had first appeared when he entered the store.  That had been a huge shock to Tsukishima, but it hadn’t been painful.  Not like this.  He kept moving forward through the scenes as he watched Noya sleep, finding that Noya had woken up and looked better…

No, it had something to do with how Noya hadn’t given a second thought to reversing the love potion.  Hell, Tsukishima wasn’t sure Noya had been paying attention after it had been mentioned at all.  It was like he had accepted it without considering alternatives. 

And then that memory connected with the previous memories of Nishinoya appearance upon his arrival.  They were related somehow, but it was getting painful to think about.  Why the hell was it so painful?

Yamaguchi and Tsukishima reached the point where they parted ways and Tsukishima still had not come up with an answer.  He apologized and Yamaguchi wished him a good night.

Once Yamaguchi had left, Tsukishima tried to stop thinking about the events of the day.  He succeeded somewhat, but he could still feel it at the base of his head, like a time bomb about to go off.  That place where unsolved problems lay until the unconscious mind had a chance to work them out. 

He showered, ate dinner, and went to bed.  It was as he was drifting off to sleep that Tsukishima realized why he was bothered so much by Nishinoya’s reaction. 

Nishinoya had taken the potion willingly, knowing that he would fall in love and even whom he would fall in love with.  Even with the help of a love potion, and even in those circumstances, Tsukishima was still unlovable.


	4. Research

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsukishima misses work and Noya's not taking no for an answer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. Hope you enjoy.

Friday was an AMAZING day!  At last!

It was such a relief to finally NOT be in love with someone who hated him.  Noya had returned to work that day, telling the people who questioned his absence that he had been sick.  More than one person had been concerned. 

Noya was rarely sick.  Even when he was, he would still show up to work, sniffling but cheerful as ever.  He must have been bed ridden and deathly ill.  Perhaps he should have gone to St. Mungo’s?  

Yet another solution Noya hadn’t thought of.  He played it off as being too stubborn to go to the hospital.

Whenever people asked, Noya focused on describing how he was throwing up and how life was terrible and how he wished more than once that he was dead.  It wasn’t exactly a lie, but it wasn’t the truth either.  He never mentioned that he knew exactly why it had all happened or that it was his own, stupid fault.  The source of the bug remained a mystery to his coworkers.  It’s not like people knew what disease they had every, single time they were sick.  The wizards he worked with were left to hope that none of them would catch it…

He had to admit that it was embarrassing.  Part of him even dreaded going to the apothecary later that day.  The other part was grateful for their help and wouldn’t miss it for the world.  He could put up with a little bit of embarrassment.

At last, the work day ended.  There was a knot in the pit of his stomach, but Noya ignored it.  It wasn’t nearly as bad as the grueling sickness from being in love.  He could stomach this, easy.  All it took was five bowls of rice, a rack of ribs, and several chocolate frogs to top off lunch.

Still, when he walked up to the front of the potions shop, he had to take a moment to prepare.  He wanted to be his usual, happy-go-lucky self so that everyone knew he was alright.  Noya took a deep breath before opening the doors.

“Guess who’s back and better than ever?” Noya stated as he entered, placing his fists on his hips. 

A tall-ish man, who should have been Tsukishima, stood up from behind the counter, “Oh?  Who is it?” 

The most immediate give away that this person was, in fact, not Tsukishima was his smile.  It was a genuine smile.  Not the fake customer smile Tsukishima gave everyone.  Plus, the smile was directed at Noya.  The only time Tsukishima smiled at Noya was when he was sassing him.  The tone wasn’t sarcastic either, rather it was a serious question. 

The second hint that this person was not Tsukishima was that he wasn’t wearing any glasses.  Upon closer inspection, his hair was slightly longer too.  Other than that, he was the spitting image of Tsukishima. 

Tanaka tried to save Noya’s grand entrance by coming around the corner and exclaiming, “Ooh Noya, looking good today!” and giving him two thumbs up.  

By then, all the wind had been taken out of his sails.  “Where’s Tsukki?” Noya asked, only daring to use that nickname since Tsukishima wasn’t there.  Plus, if he was in the back, the nickname might lure him out so he could correct Noya. 

“He called in sick today,” Tanaka said, “He sounded alright, but he did seem sort of off yesterday…” 

The Tsukishima-look-alike spoke, “When I stopped by this morning to drop off my research, he looked healthy, but he was doing that thing where he tries to end a conversation as fast as possible…”  

Ok…what did that mean? 

At that moment, Yamaguchi appeared from the back room.  He gave the Tsukishima-look-alike a knowing glance which also went over Noya’s head. 

“Sorry, Noya.  I’m sure he’s alright,” Yamaguchi said, “This is his older brother, Akiteru.” 

Noya turned towards the introduction, smiling as large as he could muster, “It’s so nice to meet you!”  

He wanted to say ‘I’ve heard so much about you’ or ‘Oh right, I remember you’, but it would have been a lie.  Akiteru shook his hand with a grin of his own. 

This was Tsukishima’s brother?  He seemed so happy… 

“It’s nice to meet you too!  You must be Nishinoya.” 

“‘Noya’ is fine…wait.  How’d you know my name?”  

“Tsukishima has mentioned some of the customers once or twice.  Granted, he’s usually complaining when he does so,” Akiteru said, hand coming to the back of his head as he covered his discomfort with a smile.  “Sorry we’ve never met.  I don’t come around as often as I should, what with a kid and all, but I do what I can.  Usually, I’m studying ways to create new potions.” 

“Oh…I’ve never heard of you…” Noya said.  

Was it rude?  Perhaps.  But what else was he supposed to say… 

Akiteru gave him a weak chuckle, “Its ok.  I don’t suppose Kei talks about me very much,” he said trying to keep the smile on his face, but it was starting to slip. 

“How come?” 

“Uhh…family issues.  I was telling these guys about when he tried to ‘come out’ to the whole family one day.  Mom and Dad didn’t take it very well, and I couldn’t get a word in edge wise to voice my opinion.  I’ve tried to tell him that it doesn’t bother me who he’s attracted to, but…” 

“Wait, he’s gay?!”  Noya almost shouted.  It was then that he realized there were several other people in the shop.  A few customers looked towards the commotion, but Noya brushed off their glances.  

“Shh, yes,” Akiteru said, holding a finger to his mouth to motion for Noya to be quieter.  

“Well then, does he have a boyfriend?” Noya asked, aware that he was now whisper-shouting.  He looked to Yamaguchi when he said this, but Yamaguchi averted his eyes to look at his feet.  Then, Noya’s gaze flicked to Tanaka before discounting him rather fast.  Tsukishima probably hated Tanaka only a little less than he hated Noya. 

“Ahh.  No, not that I’ve heard of,” Akiteru said, hand lowering itself back to his side. 

“No,” said Yamaguchi, “He’s never dated anyone.  At least, not that I’m aware of.  Which I should have noticed while we were growing up.  I found out he was gay the day before yesterday, and I’m the closest person to him…some man came in and blew his cover in a matter of seconds.  It was kind of a shock for him. 

Akiteru kept trying to smile, but it was getting weaker and weaker as the conversation continued.  It was now starting to resemble his brother’s smile.  “Ahh, yeah.  I don’t imagine he’d tell many people about it.  I think our parents made him feel like a failure for being attracted to the wrong gender.  Maybe that’s why he’s sick, because he was forced to come out by that man.” 

Noya was silent for a long time, trying to take all of this information in, “But that was the day before yesterday.  He was fine yesterday.  That’s not why he’s sick today,” he reasoned. 

The three people working at the store didn’t make a sound as Noya continued to piece the puzzle together.  They just stared at him. 

He knew what it felt like to fall in love now.  If he tried to put himself in Tsukishima’s shoes, being unable to ever act on those feelings seemed impossible.  It was a miracle that Tsukishima hadn’t exploded if what Akiteru was saying was true. 

But the timing of his illness didn’t make sense either.  Noya had seen Tsukishima yesterday when he got the love potion reversed!  He seemed fine then.  But, he did start acting strange after Noya explained what he’d done.  In fact, Noya wasn’t totally sure how he reacted afterwards because he had disappeared. 

That timing, coupled with the fact that he’d never had a boyfriend, and the fact that his parents seemed to hate him for being gay in the first place…

It was getting difficult to think about, but one thing seemed certain.

“It’s my fault…isn’t it?” Noya asked. 

Akiteru was at a loss.  His arms hung by his side and he stood unblinking.  It wasn’t like he had been around to witness the event of yesterday, so Noya didn’t expect him to know. 

Behind him, Yamaguchi and Tanaka were looking at each other from the corner of their eyes.  Yep, that was it.  Noya had hit the nail on the head.

“Tell me where he lives!” Noya asked, slamming his hands on the table and directing the question at Yamaguchi.

“Umm.  I’m not sure I should do that…”

“I’m not leaving here until you give me the chance to fix this,” Noya said, leaning away from the table and crossing his arms.  He glared at Yamaguchi who swallowed hard under his stare. 

* * *

While he knew it was coming, Tsukishima still jumped when there was a sudden banging on his door.  It was hard not to when it was coupled with an obnoxious voice shouting at him to answer.

Yamaguchi had warned him Nishinoya would be coming.  They had done everything in their power to stop him, but that little idiot wouldn’t give it a rest.  Tsukishima straightened the papers his brother had given him that morning and placed them face down on the table.  Then, he put his tea cup on top of them.

He could hear Nishinoya attempt the alohomora spell to unlock the door, but it didn’t work.  Tsukishima had enchanted the locks so that spell wouldn’t work.  Nishinoya was going to have to try harder than that. 

“Tsukishima!  Please answer the door!”

“Go away, you must be this tall to enter…” he said to Nishinoya through the closed door.  He didn’t bother to get up from his seat.

There was a moment’s pause before, “That’s not even fair, I can’t see how tall that is!  You’ll have to open the door so I can see the height requirement.”

Fucking hell.  Tsukishima eyes flicked back to the stack of papers he had covered.

It couldn’t be helped.  He stood up from the couch to go to the door.  About halfway there, he wondered how Nishinoya had convinced him to get up in the first place.  Tsukishima had been hell bent on avoiding him altogether until the idiot got bored and left.

Perhaps he should have pretended he wasn’t home.  Like he had originally planned.

Opening the door was still out of the question.  Instead, Tsukishima peered through the peep hole to see what Nishinoya was doing.  At first, he didn’t see anything, just an empty hallway. 

Then, Nishinoya appeared in the lens’ field of vision carrying a chair.  He placed the chair in front of the door and jumped on top of it.

“Am I tall enough now?!” he shouted, now much louder since Tsukishima was so close to the door.  He leaned back, wincing at the harsh noise.

“What do you want?” Tsukishima said. 

“I want to talk to you, Tsukki!”

“My name is Tsukishima. And talk about what?”

Silence…

“Well I’m not really sure,” Nishinoya said at last.  Tsukishima rolled his eyes so hard, he could feel the strain behind his eyelids.

“So you mean to tell me that you forced my employees to tell you where I lived, barged into my apartment building without an invite, and started banging on my door and you don’t even know why?”  Tsukishima said, irritation now seeping into his voice.

“I don’t know where to start!  Why weren’t you at work today?”  Nishinoya said.  When Tsukishima looked back through the peep hole, he was looking at Nishinoya’s enlarged eye ball.  The sight made him pull away and stand to the side of the door.  As if the idiot could even see through the magnifying lens backwards anyway…

“Playing hooky,” Tsukishima replied.

“But why?”

“Because I didn’t feel like going.”

“Why?”

This was pointless.  Nishinoya was like one of those school children asking ‘why’ forever with no purpose to the question.  

There was a stretch of silence before Tsukishima realized Nishinoya was waiting for an answer.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Yes it does!  Was it my fault?”

Tsukishima wanted to say ‘no’ and be done with it.  With any luck, a negative answer would cause Nishinoya to leave if he had assurance it wasn’t his fault.  But, when he opened his mouth, nothing came out. 

“It doesn’t matter…” he repeated, softer now with the irritation leaving his tone.  There was another stretch of silence.  A part of Tsukishima wanted to look through the door and see what Nishinoya was doing, but most of him wanted nothing more to do with this situation. 

If Nishinoya left right then and there, that would be the easiest to deal with.  However, Tsukishima realized he hadn’t been able to deny Nishinoya’s question.  Even as dumb as he was, Nishinoya probably realized that too.

“Please, just open the door and talk to me.  I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Nishinoya said at last.

Tsukishima gritted his teeth.  He wanted to be able to leave the door closed and walk away.  The problem was his heart wouldn’t allow him to turn back to the comfort of his apartment.  When he tried to walk, it was as if there was a large, black wall preventing him from moving in any direction except towards Nishinoya.

The chain snapped tight as he opened the door just enough to talk.  He didn’t say anything as he glared at Nishinoya for making him open the door in the first place.

Nishinoya stared at him with a mixture of shock and fear.  His arms were spread out by his sides as if he was prepared to grapple with someone that was about to attack him.  The longer the silence went on, the more irritated Tsukishima became.  He shouldn’t have opened the door.

“Go away,” he said, starting to close the door again.

"I’M SORRY!” Nishinoya shouted.

“There’s no reason to yell!” Tsukishima hissed, pressing his face between the door frame and the still open door. 

“Please don’t close the door!  I’m sorry!  But, please…I still don’t know what I’m sorry about,” Nishinoya said.  His eyes were wide and his mouth was pulled into a frown.  It was different than the defeated look he had yesterday.  Today, Nishinoya was determined and fighting.  He was just scared.

Scared he’d lose the opportunity to apologize.

Tsukishima shut his eyes.  He rubbed the bridge of his nose, pushing his glasses up in the process.  At this point, there wasn’t much of a chance he was going to get away without talking to Noy…Nishinoya.

As he closed the door, there was an immediate protest from Nishinoya outside.  He shouted that Tsukishima wasn’t being fair and if necessary he WOULD try and blow up the door.  Not that that would have worked either.  They had known each other for a long time.  Tsukishima knew Nishinoya well enough to know what he needed to defend his home against.

Tsukishima rolled his eyes again through the commotion as he unbolted the chain.  Then, he opened the door wide enough to let Nishinoya inside.  As soon as the door opened, Noya shut up.

“I had to unlock the door, idiot,” he said, glaring at Noya for a moment before averting his eyes.  He looked at the ground and walking back inside his apartment.

Tsukishima heard the door close behind him before the idiot started speaking again.

“Oooh, you have a nice place!” Noya said.  Tsukishima could just imagine him looking around with a huge, innocent expression, as if he hadn’t just forced himself into the place. “Is that a poster of a dinosaur?” 

“No, it’s a peacock,” Tsukishima said, voice dripping with sarcasm.

“Do you like dinosaurs?” 

“I don’t even know what dinosaurs are.”

“I like Velociraptors,” Noya said, ignoring Tsukishima’s sarcastic remarks.  He would like raptors.  Hell, Noya was practically a raptor himself.  Small and ferocious with a ‘come at me’ attitude.  If this were a Jurassic Park movie, Tsukishima expected raptors would break into his apartment too.

“I like the Brachiosaurus…” Tsukishima said, dropping the sarcasm and turning to watch Noya gaze at his posters.  He seemed so happy…

“I’ll make more tea,” Tsukishima said in an attempt to be a decent host, and ignoring how much he didn’t want to have Noya in his living space.  It may have also been an excuse to escape the room. 

Noya didn’t reply, instead choosing to give himself a tour of the rest of Tsukishima’s living room.  There was a small amount of embarrassment that bubbled up as Tsukishima realized he hadn’t cleaned.  When he wasn’t reading, he had been watching random TV shows and eating junk food all day.

There were dirty bowls littering his coffee table, unwashed clothes hanging from various surfaces that hadn’t quite made it into the laundry hamper, books and magazines that were scattered around the room.  Oh well.  It wasn’t like he had much warning.  At least Nishinoya didn’t appear to care how messy his apartment was.  He was too busy looking at the trinkets on the book shelves and whatnot.

Tsukishima finished making the tea and brought it to the coffee table.  He had to move a few books to make room for the additional cup, placing them next to him on the couch.  Nishinoya plopped down on the other side of the books, still looking around the living room of the apartment.

“You look like you’re feeling better,” Tsukishima said, causing Nishinoya to turn and face him. 

“I thought you would look worse…” Nishinoya replied. 

Was he serious?  Tsukishima squinted and opened his mouth in shock at the unexpected response.  Nishinoya explained.

“What?  When I was out sick, you guys screamed in shock at my appearance.  I figured you’d look similar,” he said.  Tsukishima guessed that was a reasonable line of thought…still the statement was rude.

He crossed his arms, “I’m used to it.  Since you’re Ace and Aro, I’m sure it was a huge shock being forced into love like that.  Me?  I’ve lived my whole life falling for the wrong people.  It’s not new to me.  I’d just rather be alone and get through it myself,” he said. 

“Wait, you’re missing work because you fell for someone?  Who?” 

Nishinoya’s idiocy still caught Tsukishima off guard sometimes.

As it stood, Tsukishima wasn’t prepared to talk about it.  Least of all to Nishinoya.  Confessing his feelings to a close friend who wasn’t actively involved was doable.  Sometimes.  Confessing his feelings to the person those feelings were directed towards was unreasonable and downright terrifying. 

Tsukishima was forced to consider the consequences of telling him.  He also had to do it fast seeing as Nishinoya was sitting centimeters away…waiting for an answer. 

Drama would be minimal, since they didn’t interact much outside of the shop.  Current circumstances excluded.  If Nishinoya decided to keep coming to the shop, their interaction would be strained.  But, it would be easy enough to avoid talking about it.

The worst outcome he could think of was Nishinoya deciding to stop coming to the store altogether.  He didn’t want to admit it, but it only seemed bad because Tsukishima would miss his presence.  Not because they’d lose a loyal customer.  However, that outcome would be much easier to deal with in the long run.

Maybe it was because he needed someone to talk to, but in the end, Tsukishima decided to tell Nishinoya.

“I guess ‘fell for’ was the wrong term.  I’m not really sure how I felt before you took that potion.  I tried not to think about it.  But, when you came by saying you had taken the love potion…even just for a minute…” Nishinoya blinked at him and Tsukishima wasn’t sure if he had put any of that together yet.  He sighed, “No one has ever liked me back.”

Tsukishima uncrossed his arms and laid his hands in his lap, staring at them.  He hated being attracted to men.  It would be so much easier to be attracted to women.  Tears started to well in his eyes and his throat constricted as he continued.  Noya stayed quiet next to him.

“And you knowingly took that a love potion…Know it will make you fall in love with me and…and you turn into…that…”

He pushed his glasses up and crushed his eyes in the heel of his hand, gritting his teeth hard to try and stop the tears. Everything hurt: his chest, his arms, and his very soul.

If only there were a raptor in his apartment now to eat him and end his suffering.  Tsukishima didn’t want to cry in front of Noya.  But he was so defeated, he didn’t know what else to do.

As he was crying, a warm weight settled on his arm. It took him a moment, but when he registered that it was a hand, Tsukishima pulled away on instinct.  He managed to catch himself before he was far enough to escape Noya’s hold completely. 

He stared at Noya, uncomprehending.  People didn’t touch Tsukishima and especially not when he was crying.  No one ever saw him cry to have the opportunity.  Not even Yamaguchi.

It made his face hot and his guts twist. Noya didn’t react, keeping his hand steady.

“It doesn’t matter,” Tsukishima continued, wiping his nose but relaxing some, “Glad you’re feeling better.”  There were stains around his own fingernails from the potions he had spent a good chunk of his life making.  He was familiar with the patterns, but his eyes still traced the streaks of blue and green where his fingertips touched.

“Did you not want me to reverse the love potion?” Noya asked.

Tsukishima breathed in deep and held his breath until his lungs ached.  He hadn’t asked himself that question yet.  The immediate reaction was to say yes.  But, as he thought about it, he realized he didn’t want Noya to be the way he had been on the potion.

“No.  It needed to be reversed.  You weren’t fun like that anymore.”

“Huh?  Fun?  But you’re always giving me a hard time,” Nishinoya said. 

“That’s the fun part,” Tsukishima replied, smiling a little.  Nishinoya pouted and for once, it made Tsukishima feel guilty.  He began inspecting his own hands again, picking at his cuticles where the dead skin was starting to form.  Tsukishima thought about how Yamaguchi believed he hated him as well when they were younger.

“I’m kidding.  I do think you’re fun.  Whenever you come into the store, everyone perks up.  I’m finding I have a tendency to give people a hard time when they get too close because it keeps them at a safe distance.  Then, when they leave, I can tell myself was my fault all along, or maybe pretend I never liked them to begin with,” Tsukishima said.

It was strange.  That confession seemed like a point where he should have been emotional, but Tsukishima just felt empty.  Perhaps he had accepted his fate a long, long time ago.

Nishinoya’s hand left his arm at last.  The area where it had been was cold now, but it was a familiar emptiness and Tsukishima let out a sigh of relief. 

The next moment, Noya was crawling over the stack of books and in between Tsukishima’s arms.  He had to push his arms out of the way to create room.  Tsukishima sat there, too stunned to react, heart clenching in his chest. This was too much…he couldn’t…handle this…or…respond…

His brain short circuited.

Noya settled himself, sitting sideways on Tsukishima’s lap.  He curled his knees up on himself and buried his head into Tsukishima’s shoulder.  His arms wrapped themselves around Tsukishima’s torso, having to wriggle between his back and the cushions to make enough space. 

When he had settled, Tsukishima had to force himself to start breathing again.  He wasn’t sure what he should be doing now, or if he could get Noya off his lap…or if he wanted Noya off his lap. 

“What are you doing?” Tsukishima managed to get out.  By now, he was exhausted at the amount of interaction he’d had with Noya already.  This should have been too far, but he wasn’t finding the strength to fight it.

“I’m being sorry,” Noya said.  At that, Tsukishima’s chest unclenched and he took a deep breath in as Noya continued to talk, “I didn’t mean to hurt you.  I thought you hated me.  I thought I had made a huge mistake taking that stupid potion.”

Tsukishima chuckled a little at that, “What makes you think it wasn’t a huge mistake all of a sudden?”

“Because I could have been normal and you could have been happy.”

Oh.  Right.

“What makes you think being gay is normal?”  Tsukishima said in a poor attempt at sarcasm.  Noya shrugged in response. Everything was too hard to deal with, and now sarcasm wasn’t helping.  What else did he have?  Honesty?!

Tsukishima tried to calm himself down, reminding himself that Noya didn’t want to hurt him.  “I’ll be fine.  Dealing with someone who’s deathly ill sounds like a huge pain in the ass anyway, even if they were in love with me.” Tsukishima added, causing Noya to snort.  It wasn’t free from sarcasm, but it was better.

His own arms were now hovering off the couch, unsure of what they should be doing.  Tsukishima still wasn’t sure how he should be responding to Noya in his lap.  The initial panic had subsided, but he was afraid of moving forward.

At last, he settled his arms across Noya’s small frame, soaking up the heat that radiated from him.  If he was going to sit there and mope, may as well.

It did feel nice to have someone there…

After a minute or two, Tsukishima started to get hot.  His heart fluttered in his chest, heating his face and arm.  “Oh, I forgot, I should at least go to the store to call Hinata and see if he’s all right,” Tsukishima said.  He needed Noya out of his personal bubble.

“Hinata?  Shouyo?”  Noya asked, pulling his head away but still sitting on Tsukishima’s lap.  They were going to have to have a talk about boundaries at some point…

“Yes.  Do you know him?”  Tsukishima said.

“Sure do!  We play quidditch together!  He’s a great chaser, although he keeps getting hit with the bludger.  Just needs some practice.”

Tsukishima didn’t know whether to be irritated, elated, or what, “You mean I could have just asked you to give him that stupid love potion this whole time?”

Noya stared at him, “Awww noooo.  That would have been so easy.  Does that mean he was the one that had asked for it?”

The question made Tsukishima wince.  He remembered the other day when that stranger, Oikawa, came into his store asking if Hinata had requested a love potion.  Talking about customers was unprofessional and he shouldn’t be talking about this with Noya. 

A small wave of panic washed over Tsukishima as he realized that Noya might somehow know Oikawa and tell him, whether by accident or on purpose.  While Tsukishima sat there stunned, Noya began to fish his commir out of his pocket.

“Here.  I’ll call him for you.”

“Shh, wait no!” but he was too slow.  Noya had already cast the spell to reach Hinata.  He popped off of Tsukishima’s lap and began to wander, paying no heed to the protests.

A cold wave of dread spread through Tsukishima’s limbs when a voice that did not belong to Hinata answered.

" _Hiii_ ” it said in a sickly sweet tone.  Tsukishima couldn’t see Oikawa’s face from the angle, but the device was loud enough for him to recognize that voice.  This was the last person he wanted to hear.  Oikawa couldn’t find out about the love potion and that’s exactly what Noya was calling about…and Tsukishima couldn’t expect Noya to know that.

“Hey, Oikawa, can I speak to Shouyo?” Oh no. 

“ _What’s this about?_ ” Noya made a disgusted face at the inquiry.  Tsukishima began to wave his arms around, trying to communicate that Noya needed to stop talking.  But Noya wave him off and turned away.  If he hadn’t had been in so much shock, he might have reacted faster.

“It seems he’s forgotten something and I just wanted to remind him about it.  And why do you have his commir in the first place?  Aren’t you done harassing him yet?” Thank GOD Noya was being vague.  Tsukishima didn’t know what Oikawa wanted with the information in the first place, but now he desperately didn’t want him to have it.  He breathed a sigh of relief and then began to process the rest of what Noya had said while still trying to listen.

“ _Nnnnnope!_ ” Oikawa said back.  There seemed to be a faint sounds of protest coming from the background.  “ _You can speak to him though_.”

“ _Who is it?!  I can’t hear!  Just give me the – HEY! NOYA!_ ”

“He-hey!  Shouyo!  How’s it going?”

“ _It’s great!  We’re at an amusement park today!_ ”  It certainly sounded like they were at an amusement park with the screaming and clacking of rides in the background.  At least he wasn’t dead. Actually, Hinata sounded happy.  The last time Tsukishima had seen Hinata, he had been so disappointed he was barely talking.

“Ooh that sounds like fun!  Which one?”  Noya asked.  Tsukishima smacked the palm of his hand against his forehead.  “Oh wait, no, I meant to tell you, Tsukki’s been worried because you haven’t come to pick up the potion you asked for.  What are you doing with a love potion anyway?”

There was nervous laughter on the other end of the phone.  “ _Oh, umm, Oikawa’s been keeping me busy the last few days, sorry man, we can play quidditch another time…_ ”

Noya held the commir away from his face squinting and frowning at the mirror like it might be broken.  There was arguing coming from Hinata’s side, of which Tsukishima could only hear, “ _Two minutes,_ ” Then Hinata returned and the conversation continued.

“Is it for Kageyama?”  Noya asked.

“ _What?  No…_ ” Hinata’s voice said, and he sounded sincere, “ _He…doesn’t swing that way…we’re just good friends._ ”

“Pfff, well it would work, let me tell you…”  Noya’s eyes widened in horror as he realized what he had said. 

“… _Huh_?” 

“Nothing!”  Noya said, voice too high now, “Just wanted to remind you about it is all.  You think you’ll be able to come get it soon?”

“ _Yeah!  I can come by and get it tomorrow._ ” There was more discussion between Hinata and Oikawa that Tsukishima couldn’t hear, “ _Actually, I’ll be busy.  Think you could bring it to me instead?_ ”

Noya made a face of disgust, “…if necessary…” he said, but it didn’t sounds like he wanted anything to do with it.

“ _Oh, right, you’ve been sick.  If you don’t feel well, you don’t have to.  I can pick it up later.  How are you feeling anyway?”_ And they continued to chat for a while.  Much longer than two minutes.  At some point, Tsukishima could hear Oikawa saying he was going to get food. 

He wasn’t sure what to make of the situation. 

It was Oikawa had wanted to know about the love potion.  He also seemed to know that that’s what the conversation was about now.  At least, from what he could tell based on the timing of their arguments he couldn’t hear.  It didn’t make sense for him not to hang around and listen in on the call. 

Before this commir call, Tsukishima thought Oikawa might have something against Hinata.  Perhaps some sort of rivalry or maybe he just found Hinata annoying.

That no longer seemed plausible since Oikawa appeared to be hanging out with him.  And Hinata sounded like they were having fun.  Plus, they seemed to be close.  Why would knowing about the love potion have been so important to Oikawa in those circumstances?  Unless…

“Can I speak to him?” Tsukishima said at last.  He held out his hand for the mirror.

“Huh?  Oh, sure!  Hey, Shouyou. Tsukki wants to speak with you,” Noya said, handing Tsukishima the commir.

“Tsukishima,” he corrected, but Noya ignored him, “Hinata, I don’t know if you got my message, but Oikawa came in the other day asking about you.  If the love potion is for him, you might want to consider talking to him first.”

There was nothing but silence on Hinata’s end for a long time.  His face was twisted in discomfort.  Tsukishima waited.  When Hinata responded at last, his voice was quiet and small, “But what if he doesn’t like me back?”

“When he left the shop, he said we wouldn’t see you again.  I’m starting to think it’s because he didn’t want you to have the opportunity to get the potion.  If his solution to keep you from picking it up is to take you on a bunch of dates…”  Hinata cut Tsukishima off at that point.

“Dates?”  Hinata asked and Tsukishima rolled his eyes. 

“I assume.  Are you at the amusement park alone, or with other people?”

Silence again.  Great, another dumbass.  Could people really be this dense?

“I think he already likes you,” Tsukishima continued.

“How can you be sure?  And besides, even if he does…” there was a pause, “the potion would at least make me feel better.”

Tsukishima raised his eyebrow, “How would you feel if someone tried to give you a love potion, whether you already loved them or not?” 

There was a beat of silence before, “Uuugghhh, you’re right.  But I’m still scared…” Hinata’s voice was back to being small and squeaky.  He began to fidget with something below the mirror that Tsukishima couldn’t see.

“Aren’t we all,” Tsukishima said, trying not to glance in Noya’s direction and failing.  Noya was staring at him hard.  “Just try it.  You want him to be happy too, don’t you?”

“Yeah…”

“Then think about it.  I’ll give you back to Noya now,” Tsukishima said, handing the mirror back to Noya.

“It’s Nishinoya,” Noya said, mocking Tsukishima.

Noya was now sporting a huge grin on his face.  Tsukishima squinted.  “OIKAWA REALLY?!”  And the two launched off into conversation again.  Whatever.

As they chattered on, Tsukishima started to clean up his apartment.  Even with the help of magic, the work was slow.  He didn’t want to disrupt Noya’s conversation with flying books and wash cloths.  By the time Noya had hung up, it wasn’t spotless, but it was presentable.  Most of the articles of clothing and misplaced items had been put away.  He’d have to spend more time cleaning up the rings on the table and find a better place for some books, but this would do for now. 

“Well that went well,” Noya said, putting the commir back into his pocket.  He settled back into the couch, putting his feet up on the table.  In response, Tsukishima rolled his eyes yet again.

“I don’t mean to be rude, but…”  Noya looked at him in confusion for a second.  When he didn’t get it, Tsukishima motioned with his head towards the door.  Then realization spread across Noya’s face.

“Ohmagosh! I’m so sorry!” He half shouted, standing up and bolting towards the door.  “I didn’t mean to barge in like that and…well…” he paused to turn around.

“I’m glad you talked to me!” he said, then he bowed his head again, “I’m sorry.”

Tsukishima leaned up against the door frame, crossing his arms.  “You can stop apologizing.  It’s fine.” 

He was never, not in a million years, going to admit that Noya had made him feel better.

“I’ll see you guys tomorrow!”  Noya called out as he bounded down the hall.  He waved goodbye with his back towards Tsukishima. 

He forgot to close the door.

As soon as Noya was out of sight, Tsukishima let out a huge sigh of relief.  He stood in the open doorway for a long moment, staring at the ground.  Ten minutes passed where he stood there, considering what had just transpired.  The conversation with Hinata eased his nerves, but everything before that was now weighing on his mind. 

He stood, thinking about how Nishinoya had crawled into his lap and broken the boundary between them.  How he craved that sort of contact.  And also how he shouldn’t feel that way. 

It wasn’t just being attracted to Nishinoya that felt wrong.  That part Tsukishima couldn’t help.  He knew that.  It was because since Nishinoya was asexual that being attracted to him was wrong.  Noya wouldn’t want the same things Tsukishima wanted.  And that would only lead to more pain.  For everyone.

The inside of his chest felt empty.  It was as if someone had hollowed it out with a gigantic spoon, tossing the filling in the trash to be burned somewhere Tsukishima couldn’t feel it.

But Nishinoya was happy right now, and that was the important part. At last, Tsukishima closed the door, trying to keep it quiet as the lock clicked into place.  Then, he stared at the closed door for another minute before he remembered what he had been doing before Nishinoya had forced himself into his home.

The room felt strange.  Tsukishima wanted to say it felt empty…but that wasn’t quite right.  It was more like the room wasn’t there to begin with.  Like his home was only a mirage for a thirsty traveler.

He settled back down into his sofa which, to his mild surprise, was substantial and supported his weight.  The papers he had been reading had not been moved the whole time Nishinoya had been there.  Tsukishima picked up his tea cup, flipped the stack over, and began to read the papers again. 

They were the notes about his brother’s new research.  It was unfinished, of course.  Akiteru had come back early to help at the store per his delightful, younger brother’s request.  What a pain.  His brother would be gone again soon enough, and then it wouldn’t matter. 

In all likelihood, Akiteru didn’t mind helping.  But, that didn’t stop Tsukishima from feeling guilty having to ask for help.

Tsukishima re-read the title of the notes.  He knew full well what the paper was about, but after Noya’s visit, the meaning seemed to change.

“Measures of Attraction and Reassignment of Testosterone, DA, 5-HT, OT, ADH and Adrenaline Response”

The first, and so far the only, section concerned asexuals and aromantics.  Akiteru had decided to start there since it would help him figure out how the hormones worked in the first place.  Why he was doing this research in the first place…well, it wasn’t beyond Tsukishima, but he wanted it to be.  They had never talked about it.

Maybe he couldn’t be heterosexual yet, but the research that had been done so far could still be useful.  In fact, it might be better this way. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So…I have good news and bad news. And they're actually the same news, it's just got good and bad parts. The news is this is going to be longer than originally planned, but it will take more time.
> 
> I was going to end this story here, have a happy ending, wrap everything up, yadda yadda yadda. But the ending I had originally planned didn’t feel right. I kept thinking about it, and now I have a better ending… and the next part isn’t written yet. orz. The new idea was too good, I couldn’t replace it with something mediocre. So I sincerely apologize. I’m hoping I can come back to this story after a while and finish it up, but heeyyy longer story! Right? //sweats// I've got some other stories I want to work on first though. 
> 
> I tried to wrap up a lot of stuff so it wasn’t just stopping in the middle of nothing. But I also left it on a *bit* of a cliff hanger. One that I hope is vague enough that not everyone can immediately guess what is about to happen, but not so vague that it’s impossible to figure out. ;)

**Author's Note:**

> I will always take critique, but I hope you at least enjoyed it so far.


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